Tuesday, July 12, 2011

A special gift

My babies. . . yes - yes - yes. You are indeed reading a posting of EBL here on the good ole blogspot, where it all began. It's been a fun ride so far, some bumps, some bruises, some kick ass wind in the hair speeding down a long and lonesome road.

As most of you know - I have www.eskimoboblives.com going on. I think it's pretty cool to have as a welcome sound bite to come from 'The Iceman' Chuck Liddell to welcome you to EBL or the International Author Don Rearden telling you that I have great things to say - but I have something very special in the works. . . a new season with some of the best interviews there have ever been. Yes - I'm including interviews that Barabara Walters gave - these interviews are top notch quality and it's not because of me. The guests have some really interesting things to share . . . and yes - I did help in bringing it out.

I had an epiphany tonight. Earlier today, which is actually yesterday, but since I haven't gone to bed yet, I still consider it today. What are you gonna do? Deal.

I had an epiphany. Although my medium of choice and my discipline (academic or professional) is in writing - I am indeed a writer. Yes - I have other mediums in which my creative outlet is easier dispersed, but at the crux of it is the ability to have it written, whether physically jotted down in electronic format, or pencil and pad - or just thoughts written in the synapse of my mind - I'm writing.

My babies - I'm about to be breaking into something big. It may not be big commercially or accepted by other people. But it is something big to me. I'm going to be attempting something most folks may think about and never do, or something that they don't allow themselves to think about - but you will find out How, Why, Where, When and What makes Eskimo Bob Lives: Strap yourselves in - because you're about to be taken for a ride.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

OH NO!!!

What is it? What is it???

I can't find any more of Eskimo Bob's Blogs!!!

Oh - well just take a jauntier step on over here ====>________




And now - go to Eskimo Bob Lives dot com that's www.eskimoboblives.com or just jump here, but then it's kinda difficult to get back to the EBL. http://blog.eskimoboblives.com

So bloggy friends - I appreciate your spunk and faithfulness - off I go deeper into the Cyberspace.

Friday, October 30, 2009




ESKIMO BOB LIVES


click it
and
see
what
happens

Monday, October 19, 2009

Blue Monday

So is everyone able to listen to the show? When I went to playback there was a huge amount of static and it was darn near unhearable. Any trouble with anyone else?

So it's Monday - Blue Monday - but that doesn't mean that it's all bad. In fact in Idaho Falls, Mr. Alice Cooper is playing and performing. How cool it would be to be having a Halloween based party today capped off with an evening with Mr. Welcome to my Nightmare.

Next week is the final week of True Ghost Stories on EBL - so be sure to call-in and share yours. I thank everyone who has done so, so far.

That's about it. I'm spent. . . .

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Yeah - I know, Right?!


So I'm awesome. It's something I had to learn to deal with since I was very young.
This week, after being on the job for one and half weeks I've been promoted to the HR big whig.
This after I not only arrived late to work and left early, but completley blew off a work day since it was my "Birthday".
I thought I had gotten away with the slough, and texted the squaw with the affirmation: "No one noticed I was gone." when a knock came to my office door.
It was the Executive Director.
"Oh crap." I thought, the jig was up.
"Do you have a minute to talk?" The Executive Director asked. Which is never a positive opener to a discussion - only bad things happen after that opening.
"The HR Director position is open and I think you should apply for it. I think you'd do a good job with it." came the invitation.
"Sure." I answered.
So I did the "interview" and a day later, 9 days after being hired I was promoted.
Then I got the cake. I don't know if it's intentionally sarcastic, but I don't know if they're really all that enthused. Anyway - I'm their supervisor now, so they better make nice.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Untitled Masterpiece

It is often said. Even unknowingly when included within words - like just now. . .

I've had a fascination with words - they carry with them (thrice now) such power that can crumble nations, break-hearts and mend hearts.

So - I'm playing single parent again this week. It's not as difficult as one may think, but I wouldn't want to do this - say 9 weeks out of the year. Oh wait. I do.

Two more times - are you keeping track?; because frankly - I'm going to stop.

This week on EBL - we are going to be focusing squarly on True Ghost Stories. All episode long we will only deal with Ghost Stories - no news - no chit chat about the weather or what's happening. . . just plain ghost stories.

Ok - I'm hyperbolizing but that's something in which I tend to to. You should be used to it by now. So - I'm kinda in the mood for a game: Perfect Phrases for that inopportune moment. However I'm not sure on what subject matter to play.

Perhaps Perfect Phrases for Treat-or-Treating while wallowing waves of guiltless gluttony galvanizes your arteries? Or the Perfect Phrase for a Police Officer pulling someone over.

Give it a go and let's see where we end up.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

EBL Episode 14

40 minutes from the time of this post - EBL Radio will be going LIVE and interactive. If you want to tune in to the awesomeness go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/eskimoboblives and/or call in to 347-637-3422

We gots lots going on - stop in - say hi and don't mourn the death of the weekend . . . because Eskimo Bob Lives!

Friday, October 2, 2009

My escape from a uterus . . .


was on this day several decades ago. It was the mid-70's and not just in temperature in the hospital, but throughout the world.

It hasn't been the same since.

As I take this time to reflect and ponder - I find that I'm most grateful or hungry. . . both are important but hunger will win out in the end. Because being grateful isn't as great as a delicious pizza.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Workplace Encouragement


The workplace is a wonderment. You are able to fraternize with others whom you otherewise would never spend any time with - but you're getting paid for it - so why the hell not? Bunch of prostitutes.


Well - I recently rejoined the workplace - for a moment as my business licks its wounds from an ailing economy and general apathy of folks taking personal responsibilty.



So I go into the restroom to shirk my new duties - and get paid to do it; hey this workplace isn't so bad. . . I get ready to drop the kids off at the pool and look up only to get some unwanted encouragement.

There's a motivational poster situated right across the porcelain throne - DETERMINATION

I'm feeling pretty damn determined if I go into a bathroom - shed my pants and sit down.

I'm not a 3 year-old needing to be coaxed or given prompts for using the toilet. But then again . . .



But EB - what's it say beneath Determination?





Ok . . . Fine.





Finesse will determine the outcome of life's most treacherous paths.

Just get some fiber in your diet - or head over to the EBL site and just JUICE IT!!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

October Bash

So - I'm back, tell everyone you know. I'm going to do my best to get on here at least three times a week.

I'll let you know that things are going well; I'm going to be doing something all throughout the month of October on EBL. We will be highlighting true ghost stories - so I'm going to need your help folks. Call in with your stories - share some of the folklore of your area. It'll be great!


Eskimo Bob Lives is live every Sunday at 4:00 PM (AKST) or 8:00 PM (EST) at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/eskimoboblives

But EB - my internet is slower than Alaskan internet and I can't get it!

No problem my friend - all you have to do is call 347-637-3422 and you can listen on your phone.

So until next time - go buy some stuff at Eskimo Bob Lives Shop at http://www.cafepress.com/eskimoboblives

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Episode 12

Hey Folks!! Episode 12 is coming up and it's going to be HUGE and HISTORIC!!!

We'll be doing the show live and taking calls - so be sure to tune in and call, it'll make it more fun all the way around. Taped segments will include our Heroic Tale of the Weak and an EXCLUSIVE Interview with Katie Rice Animator and Artist.

I first became aware of Katie's work through her drawing on Ren & Stimpy. She's gone on to other things most notably her own work which is funny cute at appropriately enough: FunnyCute.blogspot.com

Since you are on here before the show you get a sneak peek: The HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT is that EBL has Merchandise!!!

Yes you can own a bit of Eskimo Bob of your very own. Check out the first of the items HERE. There will be more additions down the road - but we are very excited about this, and other announcements will be forth coming as EBL takes over the Cyberspace!!!

Friday, September 11, 2009

To Honor Those . . .

Eight years ago I was woken up and told: "We're under attack! There are planes attacking New York City!"

My mind, groggy from just being woken up - was filled with such noise and confusion all I thought of was: Red Dawn. (Red Dawn is a classic 80's movie made during the Cold War where the Russians infiltrate the heart of the U.S. and a group of young high school kids - The Wolverines fight back). I had a very intense nightmare months after watching it and was reminded of it when I was woken up.

"What - what's happening?" I tried to clarify.

"There are planes attacking New York City - Tammy just called and told me." Amber reported.

I have to mention that at this time we were new home buyers in Bethel and hadn't hooked up our cable or satellite yet, so we were at the mercy of NPR.

We sat glued to the radio - like my parents and grandparents before me listening to radio as war was being waged. This time - it was on our soil though.

"Did he say 'The World Trade Center'??? Are they fighter jets? Dropping bombs?"

"Shhhh!"

I thought who would even think of attacking the U.S.?

"The tower is collapsing!!"

"Did he say 'The World Trade Center'?" I asked.

"Yes."

"That's where Erika works!" (My 1st cousin - on my dad's side).

I tried to call to Virginia to my Uncles house. The lines were completely full - and calls couldn't go through.

I went to my dad's house - he wasn't awake yet - we turned on the television; it was worse than I could imagine in my head.

"That's where Erika works." my dad said.

"The lines are down - there's no way we can get a hold of Uncle Bill." I told him. We tried anyway.

I went home. It was four hours afterward that I finally got to talk to my aunt.

"Aunt Arlene? It's Bob."

"Erika's fine! She was supposed to fly to San Fransisco this morning. She didn't go - she's fine!"

The world hasn't been the same since. I'm grateful that my cousin averted death twice that day. She lost many friends and co-workers though and this time of year is difficult. My thoughts, prayers and tears go out to the families today that weren't as lucky as mine.

My gratitude and reverence goes to those brave souls who went into the burning buildings and didn't come back out. My gratitude and reverence goes out to those brave souls who are going to foreign shores today to protect our country. Especially to the recent three families of our soldiers who were stationed in Alaska before going to Afghanistan.

We live in such a blessed time and blessed country. I pray that our soldiers will return home safely soon and that their families will be comforted during this time of service.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Episode 10

Episode 10 is in the can and is the best show to date! Not only did we make a huge announcement regarding the show that will forever change the direction and content of Eskimo Bob Lives; but also I had one of the best interviews to date. I would like to thank Jeannie Greene from Heartbeat Alaska for taking time out of her schedule on such short notice to help out my little show. You can find more information about Jeannie and her projects at http://www.jeanniegreene.com

I'm very excited for next week's show. We have Katie Rice an artist that is putting out a new print this week - she was also an animator/artist for the Ren & Stimpy show. You can preview some of Katie's work at http://funnycute.blogspot.com

Next week I am also going to be dropping some HUGE NEWS! You will not want to miss the first 15 minutes of the show! Tell your friends! Thanks for making EBL one of the fastest growing shows

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Eskimo Bob Lives Episode 9

So Episode 9 is in the bag. I appreciate folks who have listened live - it's growing each week the number of folks who take time out of their schedule to spend some time with me and my psyche developed from my twisted youth.

Several things have happened in the last two weeks that have really allowed me to take stock and evaluate what this little project has become. . . I'm not going to be breaking anything, but certain things have been put in motion that seem to be cause of some giddiness. All I will have to say for the time being is a huge appreciation to everyone who supports the show by listening to it - and if for the next two - three weeks if you could share the show with one or two new people that would be great.

I haven't been able to follow-up as much as I would like on the blogspot, which is really too bad because it is because of the blogspot that landed me the radio gig. I realized that the blogspot will only enhance the show - but I'm still a working man and can't be slave to too many masters.

Please enjoy the premiere episode of the beginning of the third month of EBL radio - it has a lot of positive information that will lead you on a path of enlightenment and bliss and will end with your soul seeking purification, a dichotomy rich with the inner turmoil that is . . . Eskimo Bob.

Eskimo Bob Lives Episode 9



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Thursday, August 27, 2009

Historic 8th Episode

So it's been awhile - CHECK OUT THE HISTORIC 8TH EPISODE - it'll blow your mind!

Sorry for yelling.
8 Episode, that means 2 months on the air.


We're taking calls throughout the show - so be sure to call in and be a part of the fun. Episode 9 is all about health so be sure to tune in and learn something cool.

Also THE most controversial skit will be aired. . . I don't think there will ever be anything more disturbing than what is presented this weekend. You will also get a peek into what goes on behind the scenes in developing the show - it should be a lot of fun.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Plagiaristic Tendencies

"You aren't anyone until someone steals your words."
- Bob


I've been plagiarized!! How awesome is that? I guess I'd be more upset about it if I didn't realize that the English language has been in use for the past couple hundred years - so someone somewhere must've already said something I've said.

So even in my wildest attempt to come up with something new and inventive it would've all happened before. I know that in 1925 there was some guy hammerin' away in his little apartment or maybe out in a farm field who came up with the lyrics to 'Ghostbusters' s/he had just the good notion that "This sucks - I'm not gonna put my name on this!" . . . until nearly 60 years later Ray Parker Jr. decided: "Now's the time - and I'm gonna call Ghostbusters!"

So just a couple of weeks ago I posted a written blog - and on the same day; someone plagiarized me. Here is a link to the original post: Written Word.

Here is the plagiarized post: Written Couch.

My only wish would be that it didn't suck so badly. . . I mean - it's horrible and great at the same time. Well - off I go. Be sure to listen live on Sunday @ 4 PM Alaska time, 8 PM Eastern and every time between!! It's the HISTORIC 2nd Month Celebratory Bash of EBL!!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Episode 7

There was some technical difficulty at the beginning of the program for the first 10-15 minutes - so just skip that and enjoy the rest of the show.

Listen for a chance to win some merchandise from the AFC - Alaska Fighting Championship!



Sunday, August 9, 2009

Friday, August 7, 2009

Rock'n'Roll Friday

There's no audio post today. . . I couldn't get the audio to post. So I'll just tell you what the song is and you can go listen to it. I'm sure each of you have it in your playlist already.

Twist and Shout by the Beatles. First because it's just a great get ready to party for the weekend type of song and second - because John Hughes died and I just loved the parade scene in Ferris Bueller's Day Off... so rock out friends and I'll chat with you folks on Sunday when Eskimo Bob Lives airs at 4 PM Alaska time 8 PM Eastern time and everywhere between. . . there is a new feature where you can chat with me and other listeners in the chat room if you're too self-conscious to hear yourself on the radio.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/eskimoboblives

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Pins and Needles

This Sunday will be Episode 6! This week I have scheduled published author, screenwriter, singer/songwriter, Professor of English, Husband and fellow BRHS Alum Class of 1993 Don Rearden.

He will be discussing his latest project the feature film: Skid Marks and other odds and ends as I test his prowess and throw-down in the Creative Octagon. Be sure to listen and call-in for a chance to win a FREE copy of his movie.

I've also have been able to nail down Sarah Palin to commit to the show again - so here's hoping that she doesn't quit early.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Written word?

I'm in a strange place. . . oh - it's my blog. The very thing that brought about all things possible; it introduced me to my wife and is the father of my children.

OK. I'm exaggerating. It didn't introduce me to my wife.

Summer is on the decline here in the AK - folks are getting ready to get back to work after taking significant time off; and it's school registration time, and time to try to get the boys back on some sort of normal sleep schedule.

This summer was an awakening to the boys. They realized that they could sleep in - and stay up late. . . until this summer they thought it was mandatory for all people to be in bed and asleep by 8:30PM. Then the sleep overs happened.

"Dad - Jake stays up till 1 AM and doesn't get up until noon! Can I do that?"

"No."

"Dad - Zach stays up until 4 AM! Can I do that?"

"No."

Then there were the actual sleep overs - Caleb came home grouchy and feeling kinda sick.

"What time did you go to sleep?"

"Six. We played video games all night!

"What time did you wake up?"

"10"

"And you're not feeling very well?"

"No - I'm gonna go to bed."

"But it's only 8:30"

"I know - but I think I'll feel better after sleeping."

"Good boy -"

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Episode 5

This Weeks Guests:

Pearl from Pearl - Why You Little! and some international flavor Jay Lavesque (Laveck) from Jays Music Page

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

What?

Howdy folks.

Yes. It's me. I know I've been scarce for a bit - several of you have asked if I'm even going to be doing the blog anymore. Truth is, I'd love to and am planning on it, however I'm just swamped with work, family time and the radio program.

The last episode has been the most downloaded of the series - although was the lowest of the live listenership. So something is working - and something isn't working. No doubt the time shuffle has quite a bit to do with it - and I've convinced Tomas to keep the show on Sunday evenings at 4 PM AKST 8 PM EST and we'll make a decision regarding the time in three months.

I'd like some feedback regarding the show. What is working - what needs to be tweaked - and what you'd like to see.

I'm thinking of a couple of ideas - a segment which is called: Whatcher Doing? Wherein I would ask Whatcher Doing? Then take calls to find out what you folks are doing.

I'd also like to put together a radio karaoke and see what can happen with that.

So it's your turn to let me know what's on your mind.

Historic Episode 4





Listen to Eskimo Bob on Blog Talk Radio

Sunday, July 19, 2009

New Home

EBL Radio has found a permanent home! Sunday evenings when you're trying to decide what to do to get ready for the pending workweek - you now have one last chance to let loose and be fully charged for the week ahead.

Eskimo Bob Lives Radio will be live every Sunday evening at 8:00 PM EST - 7 PM CST - 6 PM MTN - 5 PM Pacific - 4 PM Alaska Time. Be sure to tune-in, call-in, leave comments on what you liked, didn't like, and what changes you would like to see.

Strap yourself in - because you're gonna be taken for a ride!

Friday, July 17, 2009

Rock'n'Roll Friday

Hey my babies!! I'm back!

Sorry for the impromptu hiatus . . . Summertime in Alaska - the time flies.

First off - EBL Radio has been a big hit! Thank you!! I've been bumped up to Saturday Evenings so the show will be Saturday July 18th at 4:00 PM AK Standard Time. . . so that's 8 PM EST and so on, so that's enough time before you head out to the parties and such - so I'm expecting some great tune-inage during the live show.

Also - I will be dedicating the first-half of the show as a memorial to my friend Joshua Graham who died on Tuesday July 14th. I have something special and it would mean a lot to me for you folks to hear about this great man.

There will also be the debut of "Heroic Moments of Paramedics and Firefighters" this will be a recurring segment on the radio show as we need to recognize what these brave men and women do for service in our communities. . .

My main guest is Cletus Murrow. He comes from a Philanthropic family who has raised billions of dollars for various human rights issues and we will be discussing his latest project that will be debuting on the show. . .

It is going to be very exciting - in the meantime enjoy Rock'n'Roll Friday!!
video

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Humpty Hump Day

Gather around one and all it is time for stories from the Gray Water.

"EB - what's Gray Water? Is it the mystical body of water that Eskimos hold sacred where they encounter visions and insights into achieving oneness with the spirit of nature?"

"No. It was the waste water that was dumped under the houses before septic tanks were put in. Not - the poopy, golden water, just gray water. May I continue? Thank you."

Let me just get the traditional storytelling knife. . . and let's moisten this dirt so I may make cool illustrations to go along with the story . . . (haucking a loogie - spit).

So there was this great leader named 'Duke'. He led a great army of mercenaries and special operatives to combat a secret menacing society and army. . .

"EB - if it were secret how did 'Duke' know about them?"

[Glances - bites lip then continues] . . . that was focused on world annihilation.'

"EB - if they were focused on world annihilation were they aware that they no longer would inhabit the Earth as well? I mean - it doesn't make sense for a Secret Evil Society to not have some semblance of self-preservation."

[Exhales. . . ] 'Duke' often called upon his trusted assassin and covert operative 'Snake-Eyes' who was trained in the art of Ninja. . .

"EB - is this about G.I. Joe? How is this relevant to Eskimo storytelling and why did you need the traditional storytelling knife to tell this story? Why do you call yourself Eskimo when you clearly don't know anything or follow any of the traditions of the Eskimo?"

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Tuesday: Armpit of the Week

It's too darn hot to think and put something down. Don't get me wrong - I'm loving the Summer - but jeez.

So let's just have a Summer breezy conversation. . . I'll be checking back on and we'll just have a nice little discussion about whatever - just be sure to leave a comment, because I can't guess what you're thinking. . . Oh wait - I'm getting a reading. . . You're a dirty bird.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Blue Monday

The opening bit to Fats Domino's Blue Monday couldn't be more appropriate today.

Blue Monday how I hate Blue Monday
Got to work like a slave all day
Here come Tuesday, oh hard Tuesday
I'm so tired got no time to play.

It is Eskimo Bob Lives and I am your host with the Eskimost Eskimo Bob. We just came off a fantab weekend wherein we celebrated our Independence day here in the USA with friends, family, neighbors and pedophiles.

We didn't invite the pedophiles but Uncle Ernie won't leave.

(It's an ugly part of society I know - but they're here. Don't blame me.) [Oh really - so I'm supposed to just ignore the sore and hope it goes away all by itself? I'm sorry if you're uncomfortable with me pointing out that Uncle Ernie is here. . . it doesn't look like he's too uncomfortable chatting it up with Billy there. . .]

Sorry - I got distracted by my neighbor who doesn't seem think it's a problem nosing in all time. Where was I?

Oh yes - the 4th of July Independence Day celebration. It's friggin' hot here in the AK. . . now I know it's not 114 degrees or 110% humidity, but I'm sitting on my plastic covered furniture in my underwear and I'm scared to stand up because it'll hurt like hell when my skin peels away from it.

I'm also dreading the coming night as I try to go to sleep and won't be able to because it's sweltering. . . how is it - that when the sun is finally deciding to set that the earth sees fit to increase the temperature by 15 degrees? Huh? {No - I don't have air conditioning. . . I live in Alaska, we don't have this problem of cooling our homes very often.}

I'm also not looking forward to it tonight when my neighbors decide to start blowing their fireworks at 11:30 PM . . . now I'm all for celebrating and having a good time, but could we please do that during normal parts of the day? I understand it's Summer and you don't have school or maybe even work, but c'mon!

Or how about the kids who scream their dirtbikes and four-wheelers at the same time? I understand that it's the land of the midnight sun and you can be up for another three hours, but I would like to sleep. Yes - I'm getting old.

The 80's youth (meaning - those who were hitting 10 years and older during the early 80's) are now parents of teenagers themselves and have to deal with the fact that their children view Cindy Lauper, Depeche Mode, Oingo Boingo, Prince, Hall & Oats. . . as old fuddy duddy music. Weird huh? Kind of like how they viewed their parents music of the 60's.

Now - I listen to a song from the 60's and it just sounds like oldies music to me. . . I hear music from the 80's and it doesn't sound like oldies. . . but it's been 20+ years since Video Killed the Radio Star and since Girls Just Wanted to Have Fun.

I'm a product of the 90's and am still relatively young, but momma said that there'd be moments like this, my momma said - and I'd just like to feel young again. . . "Hey Uncle Ernie! C'mere!"

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Hand Me Them Red Shoes


It's Official - the first episode of Eskimo Bob Lives radio is in the can. If you missed it - just listen to it now; it's on the left, your right.

I've got to thank Tomas Spirelli from New York helping out. . . he was pleased with the numbers from the inaugural show - as of posting we've had 73 listeners, 10 of which came from the taped podcasts that are available. . .

I wasn't able to get to all the calls - some got impatient and hung up before I could get to them; I hope you enjoyed the show anyway.

If any of you out there in bloggy-land had a chance to listen, please leave some feedback in this post in the comments - all will be listened to and made to make the show even better.

The show has been given a better time-slot on Saturday (better for me at least) at 11 AM - I understand that eats into your afternoons on the East Coast - but hopefully the dog-days of summer will be too hot for you anyhow and you'll spend the afternoon in your air conditioned homes tuned to your computer.

Truth be-told I'd prefer Saturday evenings; but apparently that is for people who bring in some serious listenership. I'm still a big fish in a small pond - and have just entered a larger pond, so I'm gonna kick some A and take some names. . . first I'll take on the elderly, then women, then children. . .

Friday, July 3, 2009

Rock'n Roll Friday

So no new followers - Hope tomorrow isn't a big firework dud . . .
It's a stellar show with Special Guest Corky from the hit show 'Life Goes On' - My first guest will be giving an exclusive - a HUGE announcement that guarantees to shake your world. Be sure to check in at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/eskimoboblives

Saturday July 4th, 2 PM Alaska Time - 6 PM Eastern Standard Time; If you aren't around a computer then you can call 347-637-3422 and listen to the broadcast. Then you can put it on speaker phone and let your friends listen in too! No excuses - Don't miss the Inaugural Show of Eskimo Bob Lives Radio - be one of the listeners who will be able to say: I tuned in for that, now all of my dreams have come true!

Oh yea - It's Rock'n Roll Friday; hope this perks you up . . . mmm perky.


video

Thursday, July 2, 2009

4th of July Insights

The post in your capable hands again. Today I'd like you to comment on what the 4th of July means to you. Thank you for visiting - please invite a friend and friends please click on to become a follower.

The Inaugural Radio Show of Eskimo Bob Lives is Saturday the 4th of July at 2 PM Alaska time - 3 PM Pacific Time - 4 PM Mountain Time - 5 PM Central Time - and 6 PM Eastern time. You can listen to the show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/eskimoboblives or you can call 347-637-3422 and listen to the broadcast. Then you can put it on speaker phone and let your friends listen in too!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Life of the Party

Captions
~~~~~~~

Today's post is in your hands. Here's a game called Captions. It's simple - look at the picture and write the first thing that comes to your mind. It would help if you were saying what the person was thinking.



Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The All Encompassing Fear

Few things in life really prepare you for something great in a short amount of time. Usually to achieve greatness you have to stumble through heartache, grief, frustration and endless amounts of nagging from Mother.

Not necessarily your biological Mother - but that someone who watches over you and guides you to make sure you don't screw up too badly. . . Father doesn't mind if you screw up badly - because it's still a learning experience.

There's a lot of bloody knuckles - few curse words under bated breath - an occasional leap of joy then the crashing realization that you do not count your chickens before they hatch.

Then - on the horizon - you see it. The break of dawn and the abatement of the darkness giving way to the emerging light. Is the rest of the trip worth it - or can I just sit down and enjoy the sunrise? Is it not great enough to witness the dawning of a new day? What lays ahead though if I were to take one more step towards greatness?

One more step can't hurt.

That's when you're in the thick of it. The dense forest that didn't seem so dense when the journey began. . . the only absolution is from the minuscule etches of light breaking through the boughs of darkness - but when the bough breaks how far will be the fall? Is the sunrise worth treading through the forest? Why did I begin this trip anyway?

Trepidation, exhaustion and frigid paralysis choke the will. What is the goal - what is the outcome? Why? Why?

Darkness engulfs. The mind assumes the worst and creates monsters and demons who are encircling, waiting for the moment to ensnare and drag away into the depths of the thick forest.

A fire must be lit!

Five days left. . . the dawn is around the corner. Time to bolster up and step forward. Will you join in my crusade? If you're a regular here - please invite one person to the blogspot and become a member of the Tribe. If you are visiting - please sign on as a follower and tomorrow bring a friend.

EBL Radio is Live Saturday the 4th of July at 2:00 PM AKST - 3PM PST - 4 PM MTN Time - 5 PM Central and 6 PM EST. The show is only a half hour - so try to make it. You can find information about it at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/eskimoboblives You can call in to (347) 637-3422.

Monday, June 29, 2009

6 Days Left

The anticipation is brimful of Asha.

R.I.P. Billy Mays - thanks to you my underwear is still white.

I wish I had something more to say on your behalf - but it's also fitting that you've been hands on with my most intimate things.

Okay - so I'd like to ask you dedicated tribe members to invite one person to EBL blog and have them sign on as a follower - unless they think it's crap then they can just move along. I don't hold grudges . . . I end them.

That came off more hostile than I would've liked. I'd like the pattern to go on the rest of the week prior to the show - so if by Friday 120 followers that would just be nuts. I'll be sure to have a very special show of Rock'N Roll Friday in anticipation for the new radio program - so here we go. It's the final week - let the marketing express leave the station.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

One Week


July 4th 2:00 PM (AKST) [3 PM PST; 4 PM Mountin; 5 PM Central and 6 PM EST]. History will be made. Eskimo Bob Lives radio will be broadcast throughout the Cyberspace and the annals of time. It will be so powerful that not only will you want to punch your grandmother in the throat - but perhaps we will be finally visited by life outside of our solar system. The moon will turn to blood, dogs and cats will be copulating with each other, it will be raining frogs . . . (What? Seven plagues? Armageddon? You be talking crazy - no. This will be a joyful thing. . . )

Ahem.

What better way to celebrate our Nations birthday than with EBL Radio? There is none - ok; unless you're dressed as Betsy Ross and recreating the making of the Flag then you have a pass. If you're not there is no excuse to not make the show.

Visit http://www.blogtalkradio.com/eskimoboblives
'But EBL - I'm going to be out and about and won't be by the computer. Sorry - I'd love to be a part of your show -. . . "

Well - then you're in luck. You can call in and listen on your phone. Ayuh - you can call 347-637-3422 and listen to the broadcast. Then you can put it on speaker phone and let your friends listen in too!

It's going to be an extravaganza of EPIC proportions. It will be Morbidly Epic in size and girth. . . so the countdown for the show has begun. 7 days and counting . . .

Friday, June 26, 2009

Thursday, June 25, 2009

ABC . . . DOA









Michael Jackson

1958-2009













Today is quite somber as we take time to remember Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. There's a lot of material that can be said about Michael Jackson - we'll wait until he rises again before we say anything.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Hump Day

Calm down my babies . . . EB didn't forget to have something special for youse.

It's a beautiful day here in Valley. Midweek - it's been productive and there are no complaints yet.

I'm getting very jazzed for the inaugural show this 4th of July. I hope each of you have the time blocked out for ya - if you're unable to listen to it on the cyberspace you can call in and listen to it on the phone. Find a way to be a part of the LIVE experience because it will not disappoint! You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll want to punch your grandma in the throat . . . (what's that? - - Noo. - - Oh come on they know I'm jus. . . . - - - OK).

Boy the First has always been big for his age. When I say big I'm not trying to pleasantly call him fat. No - he's always been taller, stronger, faster than his contemporaries. As such - we've had to teach him how to play kinder with his friends so that he won't accidentally send them to the hospital. Well - he's done such a good job with that - that one of his friends, who is the same age but smaller often will find some lame excuse to punch Boy the First - in the face.

Usually Boy the First takes it and lets it roll off his back. This time though the little kid caused some pain to the Boy the First and he came in crying. I think I've done my job in teaching the boy that it's not okay for him to go around bullying other kids because he can, and he may actually be a bit more timid than he needs to be - anyway. . . I told Boy the First to tell his friend that the next time his friend punches him - he'll punch him back, as hard as he can. The Squaw doesn't like that - and I can appreciate that. But my boy needs to also know that he doesn't need to become the punching bag to his diminutive friend. So the warning has been put out there - I hope Boy the First doesn't ever have to punch his friend back - but sometimes you just have to learn the hard way. . .

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Episode 200

I've known the Squaw was a very unique individual for quite some time. I was taken from the first time I met her - however over the last few weeks I've come to appreciate that she is perhaps more evolved than most people.

I don't think it comes as a major surprise to you folks that I own and use an iPhone. It's been a wonderful addition to the family and has been well worth the cost as its value exceeds anything I can associate with value. Several weeks ago - I added an application of a Dog Whistle to help with the training of our near perfect dog. I started using the dog whistle - the dog didn't notice, the kids didn't notice, the in-laws didn't notice - but the Squaw. . . she started acting all weird and looking all over, pacing and getting quite agitated until she finally burst and said: Do you guys hear THAT!?!? What the heck is it?

I was oblivious to the connection - but I stopped the whistle and all was good in the world again. . . then I turned it back on. I increased the pitch of the whistle thinking that the Salacious one would then notice it - Nothing. But the Squaw again went ballistic, grabbing her ears and darn near screaming: You guys don't hear that?!?!

Still oblivious - I increased the pitch once more. Nothing from the dog - and the Squaw was as feral as my ancestors of eons ago. Scratching at her ears, tearing out clumps of hair, gnashing of teeth and wild eyes of anger: What is going on!?!? You've got to be hearing this!

I started to catch on. I would then do morse code with the whistle. The squaw was then on the hunt. . . and then she got locked on to me and the iPhone. It was amazing her sense of hearing - the dog was still oblivious to it and no one else had any idea what I was doing. I thought it was quite amusing - the Squaw did not.

Today - I was playing the Wii with the oldest and the Boy Second was standing in the kitchen while the Squaw was at the table working on some crafts. She stopped working - was silent for a moment and observed us boys - and the dog was resting soundly on the floor:

"Did you feel that?" she asked.

"No." was all of our reply (including the awake but restful dog).

"I think we just had an earthquake." the Squaw said.

"I didn't feel anything./Me neither./ Whoah cool - I think I felt something (boy the second said trying to fit in with the Squaw)."

"Check the cyberspace." the Squaw directed.

I assured her that there was not an earthquake and we would've noticed if the friggin' earth was moving beneath our feet.

Well - there was an earthquake. It was about 50 miles north of us and a magnitude 5 point something.

So - the Squaw has some hightened sensory perception of things. I don't know about you - but I'm getting a foreboding feeling about this. I'm gonna try to find a way to exploit it and get some moolah out of it - I'm accepting any ideas.

Monday, June 22, 2009

EBL Radio

The sun is beginning to set up here in the great AK. Summer Solstice is here and from here on out we'll be losing sunlight. I'm depressed.

Over the weekend a full-practice run of the EBL 30 minute radio program aired. You will be able to catch the recorded program and download it to iTunes or your MP3 player as a podcast if you don't have time ready for it or want to listen to it during your commute. The next airdate will be the inaugural Premiere July 4th 8:00 PM EST. There are 4 Shows signed - and will be on each Saturday at 8:00 PM EST - depending on the reviews and show's ratings it will be decided by the end of the third show whether it will be signed on for another 4 shows.

I'm not a writer - so the blog sphere doesn't really fit me; nor am I an experienced radio guy (I volunteered as a DJ for a public radio station in high school)- so being live and expected to fill 30 minutes is quite daunting. Additionally - though I'm able to verbally spar with people I'm comfortable with; if there is someone I'm afraid I might hurt their feelings' well - I won't let loose. Which was painfully evident at the end of the show.

My dream would be to have an actual LIVE birth on air - my sister-in-law just delivered a healthy baby boy, but that was a no go. . . I have a friend in town that is expectant any day . . . so there's hope for that. If you know anyone ready to deliver soon and wants to make radio history have them get in contact with me.

The 4th of July show is going to be a HUGE Extravaganza we'll be celebrating the Nation's birthday and EBL Radio's birth - and so much more. Be sure to clear your calendars and/or share it with a friend at whatever party you may be at.

Friday, June 19, 2009

I'm in the Jailhouse Now

I'm in the jailhouse now. . . I'm in the jailhouse now. . . that's right and I'm trying to win back the fare of my squaw. So I entered a contest.

Apparently the woman likes womanly things. . . and I came across a woman who does womanly things so I'm trying to breed them together to get something to give to the woman.

http://avintagetouch.blogspot.com/2009/06/blog-art-giveawaycustom-oil-painting-by.html#comment-form


Click this to see what I'm rambling about. . . apparently there are five things I have to do to 'Win' this. Sounds like work to me - and it's not winning something if you work for it. It's compensation.
I'm also supposed to put this button on the sidebar - but seeing as how no one even clicks the ads - even just for curiosity I don't see how adding this button will add anything, but it gets me another entry.

Oooh and I have to add this person as a friend on Facebook - good because I'm already keeping in contact with all 200+ I have on there. I really only know like 1 person on there and they stopped using it. Oh well.

So - that this post isn't just a complete waste of your time; Tomorrow (Saturday) morning EBL Radio will be going live. It's a test show - but you are welcome to listen in to the practice schedule. There's this one guy who keeps asking - well why do you do them if they're just practice and why have people listen to them? Well because it's PRACTICE!! I'm not sure what his parents gave him to drink when he was a baby but . . . darn.

So 12:00 PM EST; 11:00 AM CST; 10:00 AM MST; 9:00 AM PST and 8:00 AM Alaska Time - I guess 7:00 AM for Hawaiians.

go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/eskimoboblives

ROCK'n Roll FRIDAY!!!

I think that I may make an exception to the audio post for Rock'n Roll Friday. . . what do you folks think?

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!

DO YOU WANT TO ROCK'N ROLL!?!?!?


Scream it to the screens! Tell your neighbor! Slap your Grandma!

I WANT EFFIN' ROCK'N ROLL!!!


video

Thursday, June 18, 2009

HISTORIC 196th POST!!


There is a lot of buzz regarding the new radio program that will be hitting the Cyberspace. A LOT.

I'd be lying if I said I was nervous. You read that correctly. I'm actually optimistically confident that the one thing that the Cyberspace has been lacking is the Eskimo Bob.

There will be a practice run this weekend - so if you'd like to be a part of the select few who will have access to the unfettered test project be one of the first to comment on this post and I'll be sure to send you the information and special invitation.

So here we are at Thursday and it is the HISTORIC 196th post. Do you know what that means?!?!? Me neither, and I've combed through the vast archive of my posts and haven't come up with any sense of sensibility or order. My hope is that it is just a complete waste of time and when we stand before our judge at judgment day we can look with blank stare and recite: WARNING - This Blog contains . . .

That would ROCK!

So consider this now Judge - you want petty grudges? I got you some petty grudges with you Judges right here. (What's that? . . . . sacrilege? . . . no - I'm calling out the judge. . . . Ohhh!) Uh - Judge - - - um. . .well. . .: WARNING!! . . . [Struck by lightening]

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Wednesday Hump Day


It's a shame that I don't have an audio post for Hump Day - because I was diggin' the Humpty Dance intro.

We're nearly through with the work-week ladies and gentlemen. So buck up and get humpin'.

I remember being a kid and my dad often saying that to get me moving quickly.

"Robert - let's get humpin!"

I sniggered and would say: "Gross! You're my DAD!!"

"I don't get it." would be the stoic reply.

I've never really been understood with my humor. It started in elementary school - I would often have a retort for something said in class or on the playground and when I didn't get the laugh I was anticipating I'd often drop my pants and start whistling dixie.

Mother was sent a note saying I needed to wear underpants.



It was written on my ass.


In middle school - as all of us entered into the painfully awful awkward years, including myself and fellow cool kids - I think we all go through that so that we can understand what nerds go through. It's quickly forgotten - because the nerdy kids just get nerdier and all of sudden the playing field is back to being lumpy and uphill. Some of my friends started to develop a keen sense of humor during this time - but I would often become frustrated as they didn't get the semantics of bit - so I reverted to making jokes about penises and flatulence.

High school - I think we were all just trying to get laid. Nothing is funnier than horned up high school kids who have no idea what they're doing. Well maybe meatballs and bananas for dinner with red snapper entree.

So I have this friend who sends their kid to boarding school. (Don't judge me by my rich snobbish friends. I pooped in a honey bucket and didn't know that there was hard and soft water until I was 19 in MN. [I spent nearly an hour washing my hands at a dinner appointment, because it felt like I still had soap on my hands.]) Anyway - this past week was parent teacher conference. These kids go to a prestigious school in the Pacific Northwest and among the student body is the oldest daughter of Tom Cruise. My friend was very excited about meeting the big man with small stature. She was late to the preliminary assembly and when she got to the conference room - took the seat that was most readily available. As she was situating herself - she noticed that Tom Cruise was seated right behind her.

She excused herself during one of the speeches and went to the bathroom to freshen up for Mr. Cruise, when she noticed in the back of her head that a huge bug was crawling around her hair. So much for the hero Tom Cruise, he wouldn't even help a lady with a bug in her hair. Conveniently she didn't get an autograph or photo taken with Mr. Cruise - so I don't entirely believe her story.

Tomorrow's Thursday Enjoy!!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Tuesday - The Armpit of the Week


Yes. It is Tuesday. And it is the armpit of the week. Boy the second isn't too happy about it either. He's a quick study - I only weep because he has a lifetime of Tuesdays ahead of him. I think he senses the foreboding also - hence the bad mood.

He was so upset - he gnawed off his left hand. Good thing we're not planning on any trips to the Middle East, because he'd have no way to wipe his bum.


"But Dad - that's what skid marks are for." Boy the second says.

...

Well he's got a point. Let's get that ticket to Constantinople. [No - It's Istanbul.] Istanbul was Constantinople? Now it's Istanbul not Constantinople - I . . . Feel . . . a Song Comin' On!:

Istanbul was Constantinople
Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Now it's Turkish delight on a moonlit night

Every gal in Constantinople
Lives in Istanbul, not Constantinople
So if you've a date in Constantinople
She'll be waiting in Istanbul

Even old New York was once New Amsterdam
Why they changed it I can't say
People just liked it better that way

So take me back to Constantinople
No, you can't go back to Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Why did Constantinople get the works
That's nobody's business but the Turks

Istanbul (Istanbul)
Istanbul (Istanbul)

Even old New York was once New Amsterdam
Why they changed it I can't say
People just liked it better that way

Istanbul was Constantinople
Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Why did Constantinople get the works
That's nobody's business but the Turks

So take me back to Constantinople
No, you can't go back to Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Why did Constantinople get the works
That's nobody's business but the Turks


Suddenly Tuesday doesn't seem so bad. . .

Monday, June 15, 2009

Eskimo Bob Lives


So no more audio posts; yes - brace yourselves, no more audio posts.

This blogspot will be just for the written word. I can't have any competition for my newest project.

What's that? You haven't heard? Oh yes. EBL has been picked up for a live Internet Radio Spot. We've begun testing some shows - and there are quite a bit of bugs to run through, but you'll be getting your fully interactive Eskimo Bob coming to you starting in July - July 4th is the inaugural show. But EB - you're going up against the birthday of the Nation - yes; and the Nation is celebrating by having EBL go live. So - if you're sitting and tired of watching 5 year old gymnasts doing handstands and cartwheels down main street - you will be able to get online and listen to me.

The show will be an open and transitory format - we're going through some scripts and scenarios for the show and there will be a time for you to call-in and make the show even better than it is. If you have any suggestions or requests - now is the time to send them in as we are developing scripts.

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed about the entire situation, only because I have huge shoes to fill. My own.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Please Hammer - Don't Hurt 'Em

Update

You may remember my special guest a couple days ago. Well - things are going well with his new music venture. Here's something he just sent to me and asked for me to post. Enjoy!


Hump Day - Time for something a little different.

video
*Brainchild of Steven M. Adami

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Tuesday - Armpit of the Week

Want to know what's sad? 28.3% of all traffic for my site is brought because people in Europe Google "Sophie's Armpit" and are directed to EBL.

I'm sure with this second edition of her picture up here my Blog Traffic will increase a quarter.

So to my European Visitors this is for you. Especially you Belorussians.

I don't understand why it is the Europeans are so keen on body hair. Why is it that in the America's *South included (Hey Brazilians where are you?) do we have such an aversion to the body hair?

I have my own personal tastes regarding the matter - which I'm sure none of you really care about; but on the whole the American society prefers the hairless.

Which is odd - because the evil bad guys (who are European) always have hairless pussy cats. Maybe that's just Dr. Evil. It's hard though to find anything in movies more creepy than a completely hairless pussy cat. When I was in MN I often took pictures of shaved pussy cats. I'm gonna have to find those and post them. There's this one pussy cat that is shaved and looks completely like a lion or Sphinx. Also there were a lot of dead cat pictures.

So - I just finished watching 'The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien'. Several of you inquired what I thought of Monsieur Conan. I will love that Irish Bastard till my dying day. We began our journey together. As I was beginning my life at College in 1993 - Conan was beginning his life on the late-night circuit. That humor along with MST3K really helped me through those first 7 months of College. Conan did seem a little overwhelmed last week - but he handled it fine.

No one has inquired yet about the 'Baby Raping' that I mentioned last week. Either there is no interest in it - which is disturbing; or there is unspoken interest in it - which is even more disturbing . . .

That tale will be told at another time.

Today is Tuesday. The Armpit of the Week - Monday regurgitated. You still have about a week's worth of work - except the lucky few who now have three-day weekends. Are those like Three Dogs Night? Please elaborate:



Monday, June 8, 2009

EB and Ray pt. 1 & 2

EBL & Ray pt. 1
She Doesn't Love Me
video

EBL & Ray pt. 2
Theft & THOR
video

Friday, June 5, 2009

Disgruntled Optimist

*Warning*
*This Post Will Have EXPLICIT LANGUAGE*


So I was going about my normal routine this morning - and saw that I had received some new insights - which was peculiar because they were for older (though recent posts) including the newest Rock'n Roll Friday. Some human being decided to leave some controversial comments. Rather than just delete them and ignore them (like my psychologist recommended) I'm posting them for all to see.

"But EB - that's just giving the human being the spotlight that they crave."

That may be true. But the human being posted it under anonymity - and is more than likely some 15 yr. old who is out of school and has nothing else to do. Either way this human being is participating in some cockroach behavior. And how do you get rid of cockroaches? NUCLEAR ANNIHILATION - possible but it may not be as effective. You simply shine a light on them and they scatter. So without further ado - here is the human being:

You suck! You are the biggest wannabe in the history of wannabe's. Not only is your blog a waste of brain matter - it's a waste of space and time.

Learn to write you dumbass!

Who do you think you are? This is the stupidest and biggest piece of shit this side of the colon. If you were really an Eskimo then I'd hope that your tribe would put you on an iceberg to DIE!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You're a racist piece of shit! Someone should put a noose around your neck and let you dangle and see what it's like!

Again learn to write - what a waste - you think you are so damn funny, well you're just a FUCKING no talent hack who stares at little boys.

How DARE you put a picture of the LORD and SAVIOR on there and then pretend that you are in HIS Likeness! I'm 100% Sure that if our dear LORD and Savior were down here He'd kick your fucking ass!

I hope that you die!
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I can't believe that you got some woman to actually marry you - she must be retarded.

I don't hate anyone - except for YOU!

I'm sure the Jews would gladly take their chances with Hitler if given the choice between that and reading your piece of shit blog.

If all Eskimo's are like you -then I hate them too! I'd hope to bear your seed only so that I could kill little baby Eskimos. You should find a soul you soul-less bastard.
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How DARE you associate yourself with Alice Cooper! YOU SUCK!! You're a no talent hack who has to rely on other people to even stand a chance!
Why don't you do the world a favor and just DIE!!!
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So - when I first read these I thought that it was one of my buddies leaving a joke - but then they got more mean spirited and not so funny. I called up some of the 'Usual Suspects'

- Hey do you have a new screen handle?

- No; I tried to leave a comment earlier but I had some issues so I gave up.

- I said nothing of leaving a comment. (Duhn duhn DUHHNNN)

- Huh?

- Oh nothing; have you been to the blog today? [No.] Oh - someone left some comments and they started off funny enough but then it became quite mean spirited.

- Oh no. I haven't been by today yet. But I'll go check it out.

Listen to 'The Rebuttal' Below
Featuring the song: Horseshoes and Hand Grenades by Green Day

video

Rock'n Roll Friday

video

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Wha . . .Whaa?!?!


Today's Thursday! Where the heck did that come from? This week has just flown by - I can't believe it's nearly over. Believe me - the fact that the in-laws left Monday has nothing to do with it. Seriously.

I'm trying to come up with something to write - usually I do the writing at 11:30 PM when Seinfeld is on - after watching The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien; but today I had to rent a free movie otherwise it was going to go away. I couldn't turn away a free movie - that's like saying: "No - Really I have enough good things in my life. I really can't take another good thing."

So tonight the Squaw and I watched said free movie. It was a drama. It is based on a true story. It is the movie 'Defiance' with Daniel Craig. So no Conan - just drama.

Admittedly I had no idea what this movie was about - but it was a choice of either this movie or 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop' and seeing as how that tanked fast in the theaters I wasn't too keen on using a precious free movie coupon on it. I'm horrible at retelling things - ask the Squaw about my joke telling ability. Sucks ASS.

All I have to say is - if you hate Jews, this movie is not for you. You will only become frustrated and angry. I don't think you will find it enjoyable, uplifting, motivating or entertaining. It will be two hours of torture.

I'm fairly indifferent when it comes to Jews - I've only known two openly Jewish people and haven't had a beef with them; but I love this movie. If it weren't for the 'R' rating I believe that I would have a space filled out on the movie shelf with it right there waiting. I know - it's kind of weird that there's a rule in the house that we can't own any 'R' rated movies, but I can bring them into the home and have it broadcast throughout the house. . . I so want to be able to wake up in the middle of the night and say: "I'm in the mood for 'The Departed' let me pop it in." Alas - it's not to be.

Alright it's midnight - time to post. Catch y'all tomorrow - thanks for stopping by. Bring a friend.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

In Touch


*Don't Stop Me Now! - Queen*

(Knock Knock Knock) {Door opens}: Excuse me; One minute. . . (waving finger).

(Knock Knock Knock) [Door opens]: Excuse me; One minute . . . (waving finger).

(Knock Knock Knock) . . . . (Knock Knock Knock) . . . . (Knock Knock Knock) . . . . - . . . . - . . . .

"He's not home! What do you want?!?!"

Are you sure - I thought I heard a television turn off. (Knock Knock Knock) {Door Opens}: I KNEW IT!! HA HA Youuuu! (I turn and mockingly point at the man who dared to question me).

Okay. Now that you are all gathered together in the hallway. I. Am Eskimo Bob. I have this Blog see. And - DON'T YOU SHUT THAT DOOR! Sorry I didn't mean to scream. And I'm here to tell you a little bit about it.

You see - I've taken a trip into the Cyberspace. And I'm leaving it all out there. [Yes . . . that's why I'm not wearing any pants.]

*Don't Stop Me Now - Queen*

(Inside a rundown apartment with my new friends: Hayzues, Arnold, Patty and Bart)

Boy - if my mom could see me now. . . I haven't hung out with a Latino AND a Black person at the same time! Patty - what ethnicity are you?

"I have a little Italian in me . . . (Shifts her weight - then I notice Zanipolo)"

"Hayy BuhoB - Welcome!" Zanipolo says.

"I have no idea what's in me - I guess I'm just a mutt mix." Patty laments.

Patty - it's alright. A lot of people are mixes now. It's hard to find someone who is truly a pure blood anymore. I myself am the product of cross-cultural love.

"I think this topic is getting too familiar and you're kind of creeping me out. Especially since you don't have pants on."

"Ohla Arnold - stop stealing my hairnets!" yells Hayzues.

"You acting all cuhrazy - donchu be accusationing me about stealing no hairnets!" [Slipping hairnet over head].

Please - please. Let's not have things get out of control. We're all minorities here. . . except for Bart.

[Slowly every eye turns to Bart. Who is grabbing handfuls of chips and storing them in plastic baggies.]

"What? Hey - I brought some Paul Simon singing African Songs."

*Don't Stop Me Now - Queen*

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The Gloves are off


Welcome my followers. You are in the midst of greatness and better off for spending a few moments here - make your sacrifice complete and bring a friend. It's always better to experience the Eskimo Bob with a friend - and witnesses.

Many of you may have noticed a decline in the quality of the posts. I know I have. Somehow I had lost focus on the adventure of the Cyberspace in which we started on and became more journally and intimate than I had planned. I blame it on the imported marijuana. I live in the Matanuska Valley of Alaska which produces world famous Grass. It's called 'Thunder Fu(%' So why turn to South of the border weed when it's available right outside my door?

But no more. I'm back to basics - and just as the marijuana namesake: I'm gonna be raining some TF.

"But Eskimo Bob - you don't drink, smoke, dance, or make fun of people with special needs. How can you bring this up? You're the father of two boys who will be looking at this someday and deduce that you are giving your 'O.K' for them to experiment with mind altering drugs."

(Dancing, holding a red plastic cup, listening to Rastafarian jams and holding what looks like a water bong). "What? What did you say man? You have really small eyes and very large teeth. . . are you going to eat my Grandma? . . . Where's my Twinkie? I have munchies."

"EB - really. This isn't funny. You're glorifying drug use and debauchery."

(Taking a drink from the red plastic cup). "Your forehead is very wavy . . . if you had the American flag painted on your head I'd salute you." (Begins marching and making tooting sounds with protruding lips).

[Blank stare and absent minded shaking of head] "Oh . . . Eskimo Bob. What happened?"

My follower - you have entered the Cyber Space. . . no drugs needed; enjoy the ride and add your own take on the sitch. . . bring on your own TF. See you in the comments: