Hi. Hello - up here, further North it's getting noticeably brighter earlier. This is just after 8 AM this morning, and the morninglight is providing a very nice silhouette of the Chugach mountains. The other light is light pollution from the city - but that's a whole different topic. Here we are at the First Monday of February. We had five Mondays in January. That's a lot to deal with, and probably one of the reasons why January felt so damn long; compounded with the fact that there were FIVE Tuesdays - and that solidifies it. January had an ice grip testing your will if your resolutions or New Year/New Me mantra would stick. February is going to be a little gentler and provide the four Mondays (and subsequent Tuesdays) that we are more accustomed to. After this Monday, there will only be 46 Mondays left. So - if you are feeling a little less resolute. Take in the refreshing new air of a new month (and bitterly cold air in my case) and allow that to reinvigorate you. Adjust what ever you need to in your thinking, how you emotionally respond to something, whatever it is that may be impeding you - and if things are going smoothly and you are running on all cylinders, stay vigilant watching out for potholes or other obstacles that may cross your path. The sun is rising, and brightening the day. That lifts me up so much as since the increments of light gaining has been so minimal and January made it seem as though no progress was happening.
I am sure that a theme will begin to emerge at some point as I continue on this process of Blogging. It may take a large bit of public honesty that I am not accustomed to. You see - I provide enough warmth, charm, and some sensibility that I am allowing someone to connect with me - when in fact, I have shielded up and deflect any sort of connection on the other person end so that they get to know only what I want them to know.
Yes, we all do this to a certain extent. Whether it's in our persona we present to our teachers, bosses, co-workers, clients, or acquaintances that we mingle with from time-to-time. I seem to also do this with myself.
I understand that that may be some sort of coping mechanism to delay having to emotionally or rationally face what ever issue it is that I am going through. Right now - what I am focusing on is really getting to know who I am.
That sounds so cliche, trite . . . and well, Mormony. I begin to feel angry when I realize that. There is a deep seed of betrayal, loss, disillusionment and I am sure that there are some who are thinking to themselves. "Welcome to the Club Bob" well - you know what, this club sucks. The motto that comes to my mind is: "If any club is wanting me as a member, well I don't any part of it." I think that's Groucho Marx . . . okay, pause as I check.
"I don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member." Groucho Marx.
Blogging is great! I went and checked on that, and to you dear Bobber - that took no time whatsoever. It didn't even involve any video editing.
Point being - well, I'm not evening pretending to give a shit. I'm making this post, this vent, this digital check in on the virtual milepost of our mortal paths to just say: This sucks and I don't like it!
It doesn't mean that I'm not going to help others along the way. It doesn't mean that I'm wanting to stop on the path. It's a realization that - okay, I'm still headed to my desired destination, but I sure took a wrong turn.
Hey - that makes sense to me. It helps put things in perspective a little bit.
I think I see something I like a little further ahead. I'm gonna go check that out. . . Do you know why?
Hail Satan! - You just said that in your head, and just hailed Satan. Welcome to Friday! This past Sunday the Alaska/Portland band 'Portugal. The Man' won a Grammy. They thanked those who helped to get them to that stage and earn the award. They then gave a shout-out to Dog Mushers, and kids from rural villages and towns across Alaska encouraging them to be proud of where they are from: "Rep where you're from." Zach even gave a shout-out to my hometown, and several others which is badass in its own right. Then in pure Rockstar mode Zach exclaimed: "Hail Satan" and John wiped his ass with the Grammy award. Pure brilliance and badassness again. I'm pivoting. As I was driving into work this morning a song came on my device that I had downloaded after hearing it on one of the music programs I distribute. I don't remember if the show was "Earthsongs", "Indigenous in Music", "UnderCurrents", or "Soul Deluxe". Anyway - the song is from Raye Zargoza, multinational heritage (Native American (O'odham), Mexican, Taiwanese and Japanese), titled 'American Dream'.
The Native American perspective is different from any other ethnic group in the United States. They pre-date any other Ethnic group currently residing in the nation. They've fought to keep their land, survived Extinction efforts, they fight to protect the land, they have to validate to the Government with blood quanta certificates to be recognized as their ethnicity. It is the perspective, philosophy, and presence of the Native American that will be one of the things that heals and keeps the U.S. great.
In my opinion, this song encapsulates that vision I have. I was going to go with PTM for the rock'n'roll song of the week - but Raye, take it away.
I'm still kinda weirded out that my last posts on here were nearly TEN years ago.
That's a life-time to some. And there has been some significant change in my life.
In the form of this digital medium, a decade is equivalent to eons. It's hard to even know where to pick up from.
The GOODNEWS is that I'm still Eskimo Bob, and I still live - so at least I don't have to change the name of the blog.
The last posts before The Resurrection was from an Eskimo Bob that was married (I am no longer). An Eskimo Bob that was a Faithful and Diligent practicing LDS Mormon (I am no longer). I was gainfully employed (I recently came back to that fold after a three year hiatus). I was homeless for a year. I have a tattoo and a pierced ear. I'm not addicted to any illicit drugs (caffeine and sugar tho). I created my own blend of coffee.
There is a lot to process. A lot to go over. We will. In time. Do you know why?