#248 Saturday - Deep in the Weekend

Dimension

I am sure that a theme will begin to emerge at some point as I continue on this process of Blogging. It may take a large bit of public honesty that I am not accustomed to. You see - I provide enough warmth, charm, and some sensibility that I am allowing someone to connect with me - when in fact, I have shielded up and deflect any sort of connection on the other person end so that they get to know only what I want them to know.

Yes, we all do this to a certain extent. Whether it's in our persona we present to our teachers, bosses, co-workers, clients, or acquaintances that we mingle with from time-to-time. I seem to also do this with myself.

I understand that that may be some sort of coping mechanism to delay having to emotionally or rationally face what ever issue it is that I am going through. Right now - what I am focusing on is really getting to know who I am. 

That sounds so cliche, trite . . . and well, Mormony. I begin to feel angry when I realize that. There is a deep seed of betrayal, loss, disillusionment and I am sure that there are some who are thinking to themselves. "Welcome to the Club Bob" well - you know what, this club sucks. The motto that comes to my mind is: "If any club is wanting me as a member, well I don't any part of it." I think that's Groucho Marx . . . okay, pause as I check.

"I don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member." Groucho Marx.

 Blogging is great! I went and checked on that, and to you dear Bobber - that took no time whatsoever. It didn't even involve any video editing.

Point being - well, I'm not evening pretending to give a shit. I'm making this post, this vent, this digital check in on the virtual milepost of our mortal paths to just say: This sucks and I don't like it!

It doesn't mean that I'm not going to help others along the way. It doesn't mean that I'm wanting to stop on the path. It's a realization that - okay, I'm still headed to my desired destination, but I sure took a wrong turn. 

Hey - that makes sense to me. It helps put things in perspective a little bit. 

I think I see something I like a little further ahead. I'm gonna go check that out. . . Do you know why?