Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Fire! Tuesday - Armpit of the Week.

First off - many of you have noticed the beautiful and frightening Eskimo Mask that welcomes you to EBL every time you visit. The mask was photographed by the wonderfully talented Steve Michaan. He collects these masks to help preserve them and has a website set up where all may be able to see these priceless works of art and historic artifacts. You can visit the website by clicking here or using the address at http://www.eskimoivory.com. My thanks to him for allowing EBL to share this mask with everyone.

It is Eskimo Bob Lives and it's Tuesday - the Armpit of the Week. I hope everyone had a chance to listen to Mr. Manybears yesterday and given this economic hard time - while he has his palm out let's turn it around and give him a happy ending - before things get too hairy.

Now - If you may recall - for Easter here at the Eskimo Bob abode we had forgone the traditional Ham Dinner for Easter with the ever celebratory Turkey Dinner. I had prepared the turkey and it came out delicious - it was so moist and juicy. Mostly the story ends there. People don't give the back story - or have the "Making of" special feature available in their stories. Here on EBL - it's a Special Edition of sorts. You will have a special peek into the "Making of" and learn how it played an integral part to the activites on Sunday.

I prepared the turkey as usual - placing it in the oven bag or whatever it's called. Placed it in the oven and off to Church we went. Three hours later we come home - the house isn't filled with smoke, but it's definatley smokey. We open the oven and billows of smoke come out of the oven. I thought that maybe the oven bag had somehow gotten onto a part of the oven rack or side of the oven which would cause the smoke. I took the turkey out - and the bag was fine, but it was half full of liquid. Turkey drippings and butter - mmm gravy would be good. . . but it was so full that the liquid was overflowing and had covered the bottom of the oven. Hence the smoke.

Amber left the next day for her trip. The oven was never used again. (As a side note - she came home Friday night - then Saturday afternoon was going to use the microwave - and found a plate full of turkey left overs:

"Whose turkey is this?" she asked.

"OH - there it is. I was wondering where that had gone to. I didn't remember eating it - I was making that for my Thursday lunch." I replied. Aside over.)

Which brings us to Sunday - she was preparing a lovely dinner and started to heat up the oven to make some garlic bread. A few minutes in smoke starting billowing out of the oven.

"What's going on? What's burning?" I said.

"I'm just making garlic bread - I don't know what the problem is. Did you clean the oven while I was gone?"

"Yes." I immediately responded. Just then a big plume of smoke had escaped the oven as I finished my lie.

We took out the garlic bread - and I started to clean the oven. I figured: The oven has a clean cycle on here - I might as well use it. Amber interjects: "Shouldn't you clean out the grease first?"

"Quiet woman."

I got the cycle set - started the cleaning - and we sat down to dinner.

It was a nice dinner and pleasant conversation - then I used my mind powers.

"Smoke is still coming out of the oven - wouldn't it be funny if a fire started because I'm cleaning the oven?"

"No. No Bob that would not be funny." Amber replied sternly.

Wouldn't you know - a fire started.

Amber got out the baking soda - which was empty. I asked "Where's the fire extinguisher?" finding out we didn't have one. We stood helpless as the oven door was locked and would not open under any circumstance so we could put the fire out. We just watched through the glass this little bonfire happening in the oven. It looked like it could've been fun if we had some drinks, music playing and friends dancing around. But soon the fire died and I was commissioned to go buy a fire extinguisher, baking soda, and oven cleaner. And that was our lovely Sunday dinner activity - put in motion a week before hand because Amber was too cheap to have lamb to celebrate victory over death and sin.

So that does it for today's post. Thanks for visiting and remember: To drink all of your milk, smile broadly, and tip your waitress.


darsden said...

OMG, now I have to not only remind you to feed the kids...but NOT to burn the house down... Good Grief Bob...! Thank heavens Amber was there even with a lil baking soda...but thanks for yet another laugh out loud...! Love the mask on my way to go see more..

Carly said...

i'm pretty sure i've had this same conversation with my husband. men!!

DangGina said...

Holy crap, Bob...you really should include this "asides" in all your stories. Now when you say "our Independence Day picnic was lovely" I'm going to have to wonder about the pyrotechnics you didn't tell us about.

PS How cool did your boys find the oven fire to be?

PPS Now you know, SURELY, that Amber wins. Right?

darsden said...

all hail bob, may I speak sir... correct me if I am wrong, all hail bob, didn't I read that there were pictures made on Easter, all hail bob, I know I have read, read and read more and I could be blurring, all hail bob, reads together.
..just thought I would ask, all hail bob...LOL

Eskimo Bob said...

Darsden - thanks for the vote of confidence.

Carly - Sounds like you got yourself a good man and exhibits your decision making skills.

DangGina - Dang Gina . . . if only you knew the rest of the story. The boys were actually outside playing and didn't witness the fire. Caleb would've been FREAKED out though. Annd . . . Amber wins nothing.

Eskimo Bob said...

Darsden - when you sneak back in? Holy crow.

Umm - no pictures of us on Easter. But I'm sure a lot of people took pictures.

Steven M. Adami said...

Robert, I think you're forefathers are disappointed that you've let this "white devil fire box" run your life. Eyuh.

darsden said...

I think you have to address him.. all hail bob...before he answers

darsden said...

esp on Tuesdays all hail bob..his armpit day

JBA said...

We had an oven fire shortly after we moved into our house. The oven was totally clean and then I cooked something and it spilled over. Being the a member of the "I'll get to it later" club, I didn't get to it. Then, we cooked something else and watched the oven burst into flames. Husband says "Oven's on fire." Hmmm, I say. It should burn out, or we'll be rebuilding the kitchen. It burned out, so no new kitchen.

aworgill said...

Loved this post. I nearly snorted Life cereal out my nose as I read the last paragraph. It is TOTALLY Amber's fault. In fact, I think Baby Jesus may have caused this to happen when she refused to honor his special day with lamb. And I agree with Steve, I am so disappointed that the white man has seduced you with his convenient appliances.

Amber said...


Please note how Bob makes this entire story my fault. Even if it did happen, it would not have been my fault!

Eskimo Bob said...

Amber - Day late. It's yesterday's blog. No one will hear your voice. It's quieted I tell you! QUIETED!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH