Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Wednesday Hump Day

It's a shame that I don't have an audio post for Hump Day - because I was diggin' the Humpty Dance intro.

We're nearly through with the work-week ladies and gentlemen. So buck up and get humpin'.

I remember being a kid and my dad often saying that to get me moving quickly.

"Robert - let's get humpin!"

I sniggered and would say: "Gross! You're my DAD!!"

"I don't get it." would be the stoic reply.

I've never really been understood with my humor. It started in elementary school - I would often have a retort for something said in class or on the playground and when I didn't get the laugh I was anticipating I'd often drop my pants and start whistling dixie.

Mother was sent a note saying I needed to wear underpants.

It was written on my ass.

In middle school - as all of us entered into the painfully awful awkward years, including myself and fellow cool kids - I think we all go through that so that we can understand what nerds go through. It's quickly forgotten - because the nerdy kids just get nerdier and all of sudden the playing field is back to being lumpy and uphill. Some of my friends started to develop a keen sense of humor during this time - but I would often become frustrated as they didn't get the semantics of bit - so I reverted to making jokes about penises and flatulence.

High school - I think we were all just trying to get laid. Nothing is funnier than horned up high school kids who have no idea what they're doing. Well maybe meatballs and bananas for dinner with red snapper entree.

So I have this friend who sends their kid to boarding school. (Don't judge me by my rich snobbish friends. I pooped in a honey bucket and didn't know that there was hard and soft water until I was 19 in MN. [I spent nearly an hour washing my hands at a dinner appointment, because it felt like I still had soap on my hands.]) Anyway - this past week was parent teacher conference. These kids go to a prestigious school in the Pacific Northwest and among the student body is the oldest daughter of Tom Cruise. My friend was very excited about meeting the big man with small stature. She was late to the preliminary assembly and when she got to the conference room - took the seat that was most readily available. As she was situating herself - she noticed that Tom Cruise was seated right behind her.

She excused herself during one of the speeches and went to the bathroom to freshen up for Mr. Cruise, when she noticed in the back of her head that a huge bug was crawling around her hair. So much for the hero Tom Cruise, he wouldn't even help a lady with a bug in her hair. Conveniently she didn't get an autograph or photo taken with Mr. Cruise - so I don't entirely believe her story.

Tomorrow's Thursday Enjoy!!


@eloh said...

I like your written posts and really really missed them when you went totally audio. But, can't you see your way clear to do an audio now and I'm missing them.

I don't think I'd like Tommy boy behind me anywhere, might be where the bug came from...what was the name of that movie about aliens and bugs...bug would crawl around and enter your ear...Brain Eaters from Outer Space??

DangGina said...

I like your written posts as well. And I scratch my head and wonder why I'm laughing at some of your inappropriate remarks.

Also, I don't believe that you weren't a casual swearer before me. No way do I believe that...

Heidi said...

I found you through Underdogs...

Funny, funny post. And hump is still a very funny word.

Rocksee said...

Tom Cruise freaks me out. Does he freak anyone else out?

If he was sitting behind me, I'd probably move. For fear he would either start jumping on top of his seat or convert me to scientology.

I think it's his eyes. They are weird.

aworgill said...

I think Tom Cruise probably planted the bug, either to convert her or to save her from being controlled by Thetans. But I see I'm not the first one to have something to say to that effect.

Bob, I refuse to believe you were one of the cool kids. You were probably persecuted because you made obscure references to Solid Gold and other non-mainstream things. You turned out nicely, all things considered. Many of the "misunderstoods" go on killing rampages at public schools.

Brent said...

My awkward stage was in Middle School, and I never really grew out of it. I just learned to embrace it. Let's hear it for self-deprication!