Eskimo Bob Lives

A special gift

2011-07-12T02:15:00.001-08:00

My babies. . . yes - yes - yes. You are indeed reading a posting of EBL here on the good ole blogspot, where it all began. It's been a fun ride so far, some bumps, some bruises, some kick ass wind in the hair speeding down a long and lonesome road.

As most of you know - I have www.eskimoboblives.com going on. I think it's pretty cool to have as a welcome sound bite to come from 'The Iceman' Chuck Liddell to welcome you to EBL or the International Author Don Rearden telling you that I have great things to say - but I have something very special in the works. . . a new season with some of the best interviews there have ever been. Yes - I'm including interviews that Barabara Walters gave - these interviews are top notch quality and it's not because of me. The guests have some really interesting things to share . . . and yes - I did help in bringing it out.

I had an epiphany tonight. Earlier today, which is actually yesterday, but since I haven't gone to bed yet, I still consider it today. What are you gonna do? Deal.

I had an epiphany. Although my medium of choice and my discipline (academic or professional) is in writing - I am indeed a writer. Yes - I have other mediums in which my creative outlet is easier dispersed, but at the crux of it is the ability to have it written, whether physically jotted down in electronic format, or pencil and pad - or just thoughts written in the synapse of my mind - I'm writing.

My babies - I'm about to be breaking into something big. It may not be big commercially or accepted by other people. But it is something big to me. I'm going to be attempting something most folks may think about and never do, or something that they don't allow themselves to think about - but you will find out How, Why, Where, When and What makes Eskimo Bob Lives: Strap yourselves in - because you're about to be taken for a ride.

OH NO!!!

2009-11-04T23:18:00.003-09:00

What is it? What is it???

I can't find any more of Eskimo Bob's Blogs!!!

Oh - well just take a jauntier step on over here ====>________

And now - go to Eskimo Bob Lives dot com that's www.eskimoboblives.com or just jump here, but then it's kinda difficult to get back to the EBL. http://blog.eskimoboblives.com

So bloggy friends - I appreciate your spunk and faithfulness - off I go deeper into the Cyberspace.

2009-10-30T17:33:00.003-08:00

ESKIMO BOB LIVES

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Blue Monday

2009-10-19T15:59:00.003-08:00

So is everyone able to listen to the show? When I went to playback there was a huge amount of static and it was darn near unhearable. Any trouble with anyone else?

So it's Monday - Blue Monday - but that doesn't mean that it's all bad. In fact in Idaho Falls, Mr. Alice Cooper is playing and performing. How cool it would be to be having a Halloween based party today capped off with an evening with Mr. Welcome to my Nightmare.

Next week is the final week of True Ghost Stories on EBL - so be sure to call-in and share yours. I thank everyone who has done so, so far.

That's about it. I'm spent. . . .

Yeah - I know, Right?!

2009-10-14T15:43:00.003-08:00

So I'm awesome. It's something I had to learn to deal with since I was very young.

This week, after being on the job for one and half weeks I've been promoted to the HR big whig.

This after I not only arrived late to work and left early, but completley blew off a work day since it was my "Birthday".

I thought I had gotten away with the slough, and texted the squaw with the affirmation: "No one noticed I was gone." when a knock came to my office door.

It was the Executive Director.

"Oh crap." I thought, the jig was up.

"Do you have a minute to talk?" The Executive Director asked. Which is never a positive opener to a discussion - only bad things happen after that opening.

"The HR Director position is open and I think you should apply for it. I think you'd do a good job with it." came the invitation.

"Sure." I answered.

So I did the "interview" and a day later, 9 days after being hired I was promoted.

Then I got the cake. I don't know if it's intentionally sarcastic, but I don't know if they're really all that enthused. Anyway - I'm their supervisor now, so they better make nice.

Untitled Masterpiece

2009-10-06T15:12:00.002-08:00

It is often said. Even unknowingly when included within words - like just now. . .

I've had a fascination with words - they carry with them (thrice now) such power that can crumble nations, break-hearts and mend hearts.

So - I'm playing single parent again this week. It's not as difficult as one may think, but I wouldn't want to do this - say 9 weeks out of the year. Oh wait. I do.

Two more times - are you keeping track?; because frankly - I'm going to stop.

This week on EBL - we are going to be focusing squarly on True Ghost Stories. All episode long we will only deal with Ghost Stories - no news - no chit chat about the weather or what's happening. . . just plain ghost stories.

Ok - I'm hyperbolizing but that's something in which I tend to to. You should be used to it by now. So - I'm kinda in the mood for a game: Perfect Phrases for that inopportune moment. However I'm not sure on what subject matter to play.

Perhaps Perfect Phrases for Treat-or-Treating while wallowing waves of guiltless gluttony galvanizes your arteries? Or the Perfect Phrase for a Police Officer pulling someone over.

Give it a go and let's see where we end up.

EBL Episode 14

2009-10-04T15:20:00.002-08:00

40 minutes from the time of this post - EBL Radio will be going LIVE and interactive. If you want to tune in to the awesomeness go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/eskimoboblives and/or call in to 347-637-3422

We gots lots going on - stop in - say hi and don't mourn the death of the weekend . . . because Eskimo Bob Lives!

My escape from a uterus . . .

2009-10-02T10:49:00.002-08:00

was on this day several decades ago. It was the mid-70's and not just in temperature in the hospital, but throughout the world.

It hasn't been the same since.

As I take this time to reflect and ponder - I find that I'm most grateful or hungry. . . both are important but hunger will win out in the end. Because being grateful isn't as great as a delicious pizza.

Workplace Encouragement

2009-09-30T14:32:00.005-08:00

The workplace is a wonderment. You are able to fraternize with others whom you otherewise would never spend any time with - but you're getting paid for it - so why the hell not? Bunch of prostitutes.

Well - I recently rejoined the workplace - for a moment as my business licks its wounds from an ailing economy and general apathy of folks taking personal responsibilty.

So I go into the restroom to shirk my new duties - and get paid to do it; hey this workplace isn't so bad. . . I get ready to drop the kids off at the pool and look up only to get some unwanted encouragement.

There's a motivational poster situated right across the porcelain throne - DETERMINATION

I'm feeling pretty damn determined if I go into a bathroom - shed my pants and sit down.

I'm not a 3 year-old needing to be coaxed or given prompts for using the toilet. But then again . . .

But EB - what's it say beneath Determination?

Ok . . . Fine.

Finesse will determine the outcome of life's most treacherous paths.

Just get some fiber in your diet - or head over to the EBL site and just JUICE IT!!

October Bash

2009-09-29T16:12:00.002-08:00

So - I'm back, tell everyone you know. I'm going to do my best to get on here at least three times a week.

I'll let you know that things are going well; I'm going to be doing something all throughout the month of October on EBL. We will be highlighting true ghost stories - so I'm going to need your help folks. Call in with your stories - share some of the folklore of your area. It'll be great!

Eskimo Bob Lives is live every Sunday at 4:00 PM (AKST) or 8:00 PM (EST) at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/eskimoboblives

But EB - my internet is slower than Alaskan internet and I can't get it!

No problem my friend - all you have to do is call 347-637-3422 and you can listen on your phone.

So until next time - go buy some stuff at Eskimo Bob Lives Shop at http://www.cafepress.com/eskimoboblives

Eskimo Bob Lives Episode 13

2009-09-27T17:56:00.001-08:00

Eskimo Bob Lives Episode 13

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Episode 12

2009-09-20T15:06:00.002-08:00

Hey Folks!! Episode 12 is coming up and it's going to be HUGE and HISTORIC!!!

We'll be doing the show live and taking calls - so be sure to tune in and call, it'll make it more fun all the way around. Taped segments will include our Heroic Tale of the Weak and an EXCLUSIVE Interview with Katie Rice Animator and Artist.

I first became aware of Katie's work through her drawing on Ren & Stimpy. She's gone on to other things most notably her own work which is funny cute at appropriately enough: FunnyCute.blogspot.com

Since you are on here before the show you get a sneak peek: The HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT is that EBL has Merchandise!!!

Yes you can own a bit of Eskimo Bob of your very own. Check out the first of the items HERE. There will be more additions down the road - but we are very excited about this, and other announcements will be forth coming as EBL takes over the Cyberspace!!!

To Honor Those . . .

2009-09-11T00:00:00.000-08:00

Eight years ago I was woken up and told: "We're under attack! There are planes attacking New York City!"

My mind, groggy from just being woken up - was filled with such noise and confusion all I thought of was: Red Dawn. (Red Dawn is a classic 80's movie made during the Cold War where the Russians infiltrate the heart of the U.S. and a group of young high school kids - The Wolverines fight back). I had a very intense nightmare months after watching it and was reminded of it when I was woken up.

"What - what's happening?" I tried to clarify.

"There are planes attacking New York City - Tammy just called and told me." Amber reported.

I have to mention that at this time we were new home buyers in Bethel and hadn't hooked up our cable or satellite yet, so we were at the mercy of NPR.

We sat glued to the radio - like my parents and grandparents before me listening to radio as war was being waged. This time - it was on our soil though.

"Did he say 'The World Trade Center'??? Are they fighter jets? Dropping bombs?"

"Shhhh!"

I thought who would even think of attacking the U.S.?

"The tower is collapsing!!"

"Did he say 'The World Trade Center'?" I asked.

"Yes."

"That's where Erika works!" (My 1st cousin - on my dad's side).

I tried to call to Virginia to my Uncles house. The lines were completely full - and calls couldn't go through.

I went to my dad's house - he wasn't awake yet - we turned on the television; it was worse than I could imagine in my head.

"That's where Erika works." my dad said.

"The lines are down - there's no way we can get a hold of Uncle Bill." I told him. We tried anyway.

I went home. It was four hours afterward that I finally got to talk to my aunt.

"Aunt Arlene? It's Bob."

"Erika's fine! She was supposed to fly to San Fransisco this morning. She didn't go - she's fine!"

The world hasn't been the same since. I'm grateful that my cousin averted death twice that day. She lost many friends and co-workers though and this time of year is difficult. My thoughts, prayers and tears go out to the families today that weren't as lucky as mine.

My gratitude and reverence goes to those brave souls who went into the burning buildings and didn't come back out. My gratitude and reverence goes out to those brave souls who are going to foreign shores today to protect our country. Especially to the recent three families of our soldiers who were stationed in Alaska before going to Afghanistan.

We live in such a blessed time and blessed country. I pray that our soldiers will return home safely soon and that their families will be comforted during this time of service.

Episode 10

2009-09-06T18:40:00.003-08:00

Episode 10 is in the can and is the best show to date! Not only did we make a huge announcement regarding the show that will forever change the direction and content of Eskimo Bob Lives; but also I had one of the best interviews to date. I would like to thank Jeannie Greene from Heartbeat Alaska for taking time out of her schedule on such short notice to help out my little show. You can find more information about Jeannie and her projects at http://www.jeanniegreene.com

I'm very excited for next week's show. We have Katie Rice an artist that is putting out a new print this week - she was also an animator/artist for the Ren & Stimpy show. You can preview some of Katie's work at http://funnycute.blogspot.com

Next week I am also going to be dropping some HUGE NEWS! You will not want to miss the first 15 minutes of the show! Tell your friends! Thanks for making EBL one of the fastest growing shows

Eskimo Bob Lives Episode 9

2009-08-30T17:08:00.003-08:00

So Episode 9 is in the bag. I appreciate folks who have listened live - it's growing each week the number of folks who take time out of their schedule to spend some time with me and my psyche developed from my twisted youth.

Several things have happened in the last two weeks that have really allowed me to take stock and evaluate what this little project has become. . . I'm not going to be breaking anything, but certain things have been put in motion that seem to be cause of some giddiness. All I will have to say for the time being is a huge appreciation to everyone who supports the show by listening to it - and if for the next two - three weeks if you could share the show with one or two new people that would be great.

I haven't been able to follow-up as much as I would like on the blogspot, which is really too bad because it is because of the blogspot that landed me the radio gig. I realized that the blogspot will only enhance the show - but I'm still a working man and can't be slave to too many masters.

Please enjoy the premiere episode of the beginning of the third month of EBL radio - it has a lot of positive information that will lead you on a path of enlightenment and bliss and will end with your soul seeking purification, a dichotomy rich with the inner turmoil that is . . . Eskimo Bob.

Eskimo Bob Lives Episode 9

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Historic 8th Episode

2009-08-27T11:40:00.003-08:00

So it's been awhile - CHECK OUT THE HISTORIC 8TH EPISODE - it'll blow your mind!

Sorry for yelling.
8 Episode, that means 2 months on the air.

We're taking calls throughout the show - so be sure to call in and be a part of the fun. Episode 9 is all about health so be sure to tune in and learn something cool.

Also THE most controversial skit will be aired. . . I don't think there will ever be anything more disturbing than what is presented this weekend. You will also get a peek into what goes on behind the scenes in developing the show - it should be a lot of fun.

Plagiaristic Tendencies

2009-08-18T14:58:00.004-08:00

"You aren't anyone until someone steals your words."
- Bob

I've been plagiarized!! How awesome is that? I guess I'd be more upset about it if I didn't realize that the English language has been in use for the past couple hundred years - so someone somewhere must've already said something I've said.

So even in my wildest attempt to come up with something new and inventive it would've all happened before. I know that in 1925 there was some guy hammerin' away in his little apartment or maybe out in a farm field who came up with the lyrics to 'Ghostbusters' s/he had just the good notion that "This sucks - I'm not gonna put my name on this!" . . . until nearly 60 years later Ray Parker Jr. decided: "Now's the time - and I'm gonna call Ghostbusters!"

So just a couple of weeks ago I posted a written blog - and on the same day; someone plagiarized me. Here is a link to the original post: Written Word.

Here is the plagiarized post: Written Couch.

My only wish would be that it didn't suck so badly. . . I mean - it's horrible and great at the same time. Well - off I go. Be sure to listen live on Sunday @ 4 PM Alaska time, 8 PM Eastern and every time between!! It's the HISTORIC 2nd Month Celebratory Bash of EBL!!

Episode 7

2009-08-16T19:59:00.003-08:00

There was some technical difficulty at the beginning of the program for the first 10-15 minutes - so just skip that and enjoy the rest of the show.

Listen for a chance to win some merchandise from the AFC - Alaska Fighting Championship!

Episode 6 available NOW!

2009-08-09T17:18:00.000-08:00

Rock'n'Roll Friday

2009-08-07T07:54:00.002-08:00

There's no audio post today. . . I couldn't get the audio to post. So I'll just tell you what the song is and you can go listen to it. I'm sure each of you have it in your playlist already.

Twist and Shout by the Beatles. First because it's just a great get ready to party for the weekend type of song and second - because John Hughes died and I just loved the parade scene in Ferris Bueller's Day Off... so rock out friends and I'll chat with you folks on Sunday when Eskimo Bob Lives airs at 4 PM Alaska time 8 PM Eastern time and everywhere between. . . there is a new feature where you can chat with me and other listeners in the chat room if you're too self-conscious to hear yourself on the radio.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/eskimoboblives

Pins and Needles

2009-08-05T21:44:00.002-08:00

This Sunday will be Episode 6! This week I have scheduled published author, screenwriter, singer/songwriter, Professor of English, Husband and fellow BRHS Alum Class of 1993 Don Rearden.

He will be discussing his latest project the feature film: Skid Marks and other odds and ends as I test his prowess and throw-down in the Creative Octagon. Be sure to listen and call-in for a chance to win a FREE copy of his movie.

I've also have been able to nail down Sarah Palin to commit to the show again - so here's hoping that she doesn't quit early.

Written word?

2009-08-04T10:51:00.002-08:00

I'm in a strange place. . . oh - it's my blog. The very thing that brought about all things possible; it introduced me to my wife and is the father of my children.

OK. I'm exaggerating. It didn't introduce me to my wife.

Summer is on the decline here in the AK - folks are getting ready to get back to work after taking significant time off; and it's school registration time, and time to try to get the boys back on some sort of normal sleep schedule.

This summer was an awakening to the boys. They realized that they could sleep in - and stay up late. . . until this summer they thought it was mandatory for all people to be in bed and asleep by 8:30PM. Then the sleep overs happened.

"Dad - Jake stays up till 1 AM and doesn't get up until noon! Can I do that?"

"No."

"Dad - Zach stays up until 4 AM! Can I do that?"

"No."

Then there were the actual sleep overs - Caleb came home grouchy and feeling kinda sick.

"What time did you go to sleep?"

"Six. We played video games all night!

"What time did you wake up?"

"10"

"And you're not feeling very well?"

"No - I'm gonna go to bed."

"But it's only 8:30"

"I know - but I think I'll feel better after sleeping."

"Good boy -"

Episode 5

2009-08-02T17:50:00.001-08:00

This Weeks Guests:

Pearl from Pearl - Why You Little! and some international flavor Jay Lavesque (Laveck) from Jays Music Page

What?

2009-07-28T21:20:00.002-08:00

Howdy folks.

Yes. It's me. I know I've been scarce for a bit - several of you have asked if I'm even going to be doing the blog anymore. Truth is, I'd love to and am planning on it, however I'm just swamped with work, family time and the radio program.

The last episode has been the most downloaded of the series - although was the lowest of the live listenership. So something is working - and something isn't working. No doubt the time shuffle has quite a bit to do with it - and I've convinced Tomas to keep the show on Sunday evenings at 4 PM AKST 8 PM EST and we'll make a decision regarding the time in three months.

I'd like some feedback regarding the show. What is working - what needs to be tweaked - and what you'd like to see.

I'm thinking of a couple of ideas - a segment which is called: Whatcher Doing? Wherein I would ask Whatcher Doing? Then take calls to find out what you folks are doing.

I'd also like to put together a radio karaoke and see what can happen with that.

So it's your turn to let me know what's on your mind.

Historic Episode 4

2009-07-28T17:45:00.002-08:00

Listen to Eskimo Bob on Blog Talk Radio

New Home

2009-07-19T22:06:00.003-08:00

EBL Radio has found a permanent home! Sunday evenings when you're trying to decide what to do to get ready for the pending workweek - you now have one last chance to let loose and be fully charged for the week ahead.

Eskimo Bob Lives Radio will be live every Sunday evening at 8:00 PM EST - 7 PM CST - 6 PM MTN - 5 PM Pacific - 4 PM Alaska Time. Be sure to tune-in, call-in, leave comments on what you liked, didn't like, and what changes you would like to see.

Strap yourself in - because you're gonna be taken for a ride!

EBL Radio Episode 3

2009-07-18T17:07:00.000-08:00

Listen to Eskimo Bob on Blog Talk Radio

Rock'n'Roll Friday

2009-07-17T01:44:00.005-08:00

Hey my babies!! I'm back!

Sorry for the impromptu hiatus . . . Summertime in Alaska - the time flies.

First off - EBL Radio has been a big hit! Thank you!! I've been bumped up to Saturday Evenings so the show will be Saturday July 18th at 4:00 PM AK Standard Time. . . so that's 8 PM EST and so on, so that's enough time before you head out to the parties and such - so I'm expecting some great tune-inage during the live show.

Also - I will be dedicating the first-half of the show as a memorial to my friend Joshua Graham who died on Tuesday July 14th. I have something special and it would mean a lot to me for you folks to hear about this great man.

There will also be the debut of "Heroic Moments of Paramedics and Firefighters" this will be a recurring segment on the radio show as we need to recognize what these brave men and women do for service in our communities. . .

My main guest is Cletus Murrow. He comes from a Philanthropic family who has raised billions of dollars for various human rights issues and we will be discussing his latest project that will be debuting on the show. . .

It is going to be very exciting - in the meantime enjoy Rock'n'Roll Friday!!

Humpty Hump Day

2009-07-08T00:00:00.000-08:00

Gather around one and all it is time for stories from the Gray Water.

"EB - what's Gray Water? Is it the mystical body of water that Eskimos hold sacred where they encounter visions and insights into achieving oneness with the spirit of nature?"

"No. It was the waste water that was dumped under the houses before septic tanks were put in. Not - the poopy, golden water, just gray water. May I continue? Thank you."

Let me just get the traditional storytelling knife. . . and let's moisten this dirt so I may make cool illustrations to go along with the story . . . (haucking a loogie - spit).

So there was this great leader named 'Duke'. He led a great army of mercenaries and special operatives to combat a secret menacing society and army. . .

"EB - if it were secret how did 'Duke' know about them?"

[Glances - bites lip then continues] . . . that was focused on world annihilation.'

"EB - if they were focused on world annihilation were they aware that they no longer would inhabit the Earth as well? I mean - it doesn't make sense for a Secret Evil Society to not have some semblance of self-preservation."

[Exhales. . . ] 'Duke' often called upon his trusted assassin and covert operative 'Snake-Eyes' who was trained in the art of Ninja. . .

"EB - is this about G.I. Joe? How is this relevant to Eskimo storytelling and why did you need the traditional storytelling knife to tell this story? Why do you call yourself Eskimo when you clearly don't know anything or follow any of the traditions of the Eskimo?"

Tuesday: Armpit of the Week

2009-07-07T00:00:00.000-08:00

It's too darn hot to think and put something down. Don't get me wrong - I'm loving the Summer - but jeez.

So let's just have a Summer breezy conversation. . . I'll be checking back on and we'll just have a nice little discussion about whatever - just be sure to leave a comment, because I can't guess what you're thinking. . . Oh wait - I'm getting a reading. . . You're a dirty bird.

Blue Monday

2009-07-06T00:00:00.000-08:00

The opening bit to Fats Domino's Blue Monday couldn't be more appropriate today.

Blue Monday how I hate Blue Monday
Got to work like a slave all day
Here come Tuesday, oh hard Tuesday
I'm so tired got no time to play.

It is Eskimo Bob Lives and I am your host with the Eskimost Eskimo Bob. We just came off a fantab weekend wherein we celebrated our Independence day here in the USA with friends, family, neighbors and pedophiles.

We didn't invite the pedophiles but Uncle Ernie won't leave.

(It's an ugly part of society I know - but they're here. Don't blame me.) [Oh really - so I'm supposed to just ignore the sore and hope it goes away all by itself? I'm sorry if you're uncomfortable with me pointing out that Uncle Ernie is here. . . it doesn't look like he's too uncomfortable chatting it up with Billy there. . .]

Sorry - I got distracted by my neighbor who doesn't seem think it's a problem nosing in all time. Where was I?

Oh yes - the 4th of July Independence Day celebration. It's friggin' hot here in the AK. . . now I know it's not 114 degrees or 110% humidity, but I'm sitting on my plastic covered furniture in my underwear and I'm scared to stand up because it'll hurt like hell when my skin peels away from it.

I'm also dreading the coming night as I try to go to sleep and won't be able to because it's sweltering. . . how is it - that when the sun is finally deciding to set that the earth sees fit to increase the temperature by 15 degrees? Huh? {No - I don't have air conditioning. . . I live in Alaska, we don't have this problem of cooling our homes very often.}

I'm also not looking forward to it tonight when my neighbors decide to start blowing their fireworks at 11:30 PM . . . now I'm all for celebrating and having a good time, but could we please do that during normal parts of the day? I understand it's Summer and you don't have school or maybe even work, but c'mon!

Or how about the kids who scream their dirtbikes and four-wheelers at the same time? I understand that it's the land of the midnight sun and you can be up for another three hours, but I would like to sleep. Yes - I'm getting old.

The 80's youth (meaning - those who were hitting 10 years and older during the early 80's) are now parents of teenagers themselves and have to deal with the fact that their children view Cindy Lauper, Depeche Mode, Oingo Boingo, Prince, Hall & Oats. . . as old fuddy duddy music. Weird huh? Kind of like how they viewed their parents music of the 60's.

Now - I listen to a song from the 60's and it just sounds like oldies music to me. . . I hear music from the 80's and it doesn't sound like oldies. . . but it's been 20+ years since Video Killed the Radio Star and since Girls Just Wanted to Have Fun.

I'm a product of the 90's and am still relatively young, but momma said that there'd be moments like this, my momma said - and I'd just like to feel young again. . . "Hey Uncle Ernie! C'mere!"

Hand Me Them Red Shoes

2009-07-04T22:18:00.003-08:00

It's Official - the first episode of Eskimo Bob Lives radio is in the can. If you missed it - just listen to it now; it's on the left, your right.

I've got to thank Tomas Spirelli from New York helping out. . . he was pleased with the numbers from the inaugural show - as of posting we've had 73 listeners, 10 of which came from the taped podcasts that are available. . .

I wasn't able to get to all the calls - some got impatient and hung up before I could get to them; I hope you enjoyed the show anyway.

If any of you out there in bloggy-land had a chance to listen, please leave some feedback in this post in the comments - all will be listened to and made to make the show even better.

The show has been given a better time-slot on Saturday (better for me at least) at 11 AM - I understand that eats into your afternoons on the East Coast - but hopefully the dog-days of summer will be too hot for you anyhow and you'll spend the afternoon in your air conditioned homes tuned to your computer.

Truth be-told I'd prefer Saturday evenings; but apparently that is for people who bring in some serious listenership. I'm still a big fish in a small pond - and have just entered a larger pond, so I'm gonna kick some A and take some names. . . first I'll take on the elderly, then women, then children. . .

Rock'n Roll Friday

2009-07-03T01:05:00.003-08:00

So no new followers - Hope tomorrow isn't a big firework dud . . .
It's a stellar show with Special Guest Corky from the hit show 'Life Goes On' - My first guest will be giving an exclusive - a HUGE announcement that guarantees to shake your world. Be sure to check in at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/eskimoboblives

Saturday July 4th, 2 PM Alaska Time - 6 PM Eastern Standard Time; If you aren't around a computer then you can call 347-637-3422 and listen to the broadcast. Then you can put it on speaker phone and let your friends listen in too! No excuses - Don't miss the Inaugural Show of Eskimo Bob Lives Radio - be one of the listeners who will be able to say: I tuned in for that, now all of my dreams have come true!

Oh yea - It's Rock'n Roll Friday; hope this perks you up . . . mmm perky.

4th of July Insights

2009-07-02T00:00:00.000-08:00

The post in your capable hands again. Today I'd like you to comment on what the 4th of July means to you. Thank you for visiting - please invite a friend and friends please click on to become a follower.

The Inaugural Radio Show of Eskimo Bob Lives is Saturday the 4th of July at 2 PM Alaska time - 3 PM Pacific Time - 4 PM Mountain Time - 5 PM Central Time - and 6 PM Eastern time. You can listen to the show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/eskimoboblives or you can call 347-637-3422 and listen to the broadcast. Then you can put it on speaker phone and let your friends listen in too!

Life of the Party

2009-07-01T09:36:00.003-08:00

Captions
~~~~~~~

Today's post is in your hands. Here's a game called Captions. It's simple - look at the picture and write the first thing that comes to your mind. It would help if you were saying what the person was thinking.

The All Encompassing Fear

2009-06-30T00:17:00.002-08:00

Few things in life really prepare you for something great in a short amount of time. Usually to achieve greatness you have to stumble through heartache, grief, frustration and endless amounts of nagging from Mother.

Not necessarily your biological Mother - but that someone who watches over you and guides you to make sure you don't screw up too badly. . . Father doesn't mind if you screw up badly - because it's still a learning experience.

There's a lot of bloody knuckles - few curse words under bated breath - an occasional leap of joy then the crashing realization that you do not count your chickens before they hatch.

Then - on the horizon - you see it. The break of dawn and the abatement of the darkness giving way to the emerging light. Is the rest of the trip worth it - or can I just sit down and enjoy the sunrise? Is it not great enough to witness the dawning of a new day? What lays ahead though if I were to take one more step towards greatness?

One more step can't hurt.

That's when you're in the thick of it. The dense forest that didn't seem so dense when the journey began. . . the only absolution is from the minuscule etches of light breaking through the boughs of darkness - but when the bough breaks how far will be the fall? Is the sunrise worth treading through the forest? Why did I begin this trip anyway?

Trepidation, exhaustion and frigid paralysis choke the will. What is the goal - what is the outcome? Why? Why?

Darkness engulfs. The mind assumes the worst and creates monsters and demons who are encircling, waiting for the moment to ensnare and drag away into the depths of the thick forest.

A fire must be lit!

Five days left. . . the dawn is around the corner. Time to bolster up and step forward. Will you join in my crusade? If you're a regular here - please invite one person to the blogspot and become a member of the Tribe. If you are visiting - please sign on as a follower and tomorrow bring a friend.

EBL Radio is Live Saturday the 4th of July at 2:00 PM AKST - 3PM PST - 4 PM MTN Time - 5 PM Central and 6 PM EST. The show is only a half hour - so try to make it. You can find information about it at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/eskimoboblives You can call in to (347) 637-3422.

6 Days Left

2009-06-29T00:00:00.000-08:00

The anticipation is brimful of Asha.

R.I.P. Billy Mays - thanks to you my underwear is still white.

I wish I had something more to say on your behalf - but it's also fitting that you've been hands on with my most intimate things.

Okay - so I'd like to ask you dedicated tribe members to invite one person to EBL blog and have them sign on as a follower - unless they think it's crap then they can just move along. I don't hold grudges . . . I end them.

That came off more hostile than I would've liked. I'd like the pattern to go on the rest of the week prior to the show - so if by Friday 120 followers that would just be nuts. I'll be sure to have a very special show of Rock'N Roll Friday in anticipation for the new radio program - so here we go. It's the final week - let the marketing express leave the station.

One Week

2009-06-27T12:27:00.000-08:00

July 4th 2:00 PM (AKST) [3 PM PST; 4 PM Mountin; 5 PM Central and 6 PM EST]. History will be made. Eskimo Bob Lives radio will be broadcast throughout the Cyberspace and the annals of time. It will be so powerful that not only will you want to punch your grandmother in the throat - but perhaps we will be finally visited by life outside of our solar system. The moon will turn to blood, dogs and cats will be copulating with each other, it will be raining frogs . . . (What? Seven plagues? Armageddon? You be talking crazy - no. This will be a joyful thing. . . )

Ahem.

What better way to celebrate our Nations birthday than with EBL Radio? There is none - ok; unless you're dressed as Betsy Ross and recreating the making of the Flag then you have a pass. If you're not there is no excuse to not make the show.

Visit http://www.blogtalkradio.com/eskimoboblives
'But EBL - I'm going to be out and about and won't be by the computer. Sorry - I'd love to be a part of your show -. . . "

Well - then you're in luck. You can call in and listen on your phone. Ayuh - you can call 347-637-3422 and listen to the broadcast. Then you can put it on speaker phone and let your friends listen in too!

It's going to be an extravaganza of EPIC proportions. It will be Morbidly Epic in size and girth. . . so the countdown for the show has begun. 7 days and counting . . .

Rock'n Roll Friday

2009-06-26T05:05:00.002-08:00

ABC . . . DOA

2009-06-25T15:23:00.003-08:00

Michael Jackson

1958-2009

Today is quite somber as we take time to remember Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. There's a lot of material that can be said about Michael Jackson - we'll wait until he rises again before we say anything.

Hump Day

2009-06-24T10:22:00.002-08:00

Calm down my babies . . . EB didn't forget to have something special for youse.

It's a beautiful day here in Valley. Midweek - it's been productive and there are no complaints yet.

I'm getting very jazzed for the inaugural show this 4th of July. I hope each of you have the time blocked out for ya - if you're unable to listen to it on the cyberspace you can call in and listen to it on the phone. Find a way to be a part of the LIVE experience because it will not disappoint! You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll want to punch your grandma in the throat . . . (what's that? - - Noo. - - Oh come on they know I'm jus. . . . - - - OK).

Boy the First has always been big for his age. When I say big I'm not trying to pleasantly call him fat. No - he's always been taller, stronger, faster than his contemporaries. As such - we've had to teach him how to play kinder with his friends so that he won't accidentally send them to the hospital. Well - he's done such a good job with that - that one of his friends, who is the same age but smaller often will find some lame excuse to punch Boy the First - in the face.

Usually Boy the First takes it and lets it roll off his back. This time though the little kid caused some pain to the Boy the First and he came in crying. I think I've done my job in teaching the boy that it's not okay for him to go around bullying other kids because he can, and he may actually be a bit more timid than he needs to be - anyway. . . I told Boy the First to tell his friend that the next time his friend punches him - he'll punch him back, as hard as he can. The Squaw doesn't like that - and I can appreciate that. But my boy needs to also know that he doesn't need to become the punching bag to his diminutive friend. So the warning has been put out there - I hope Boy the First doesn't ever have to punch his friend back - but sometimes you just have to learn the hard way. . .

Episode 200

2009-06-23T00:00:00.001-08:00

I've known the Squaw was a very unique individual for quite some time. I was taken from the first time I met her - however over the last few weeks I've come to appreciate that she is perhaps more evolved than most people.

I don't think it comes as a major surprise to you folks that I own and use an iPhone. It's been a wonderful addition to the family and has been well worth the cost as its value exceeds anything I can associate with value. Several weeks ago - I added an application of a Dog Whistle to help with the training of our near perfect dog. I started using the dog whistle - the dog didn't notice, the kids didn't notice, the in-laws didn't notice - but the Squaw. . . she started acting all weird and looking all over, pacing and getting quite agitated until she finally burst and said: Do you guys hear THAT!?!? What the heck is it?

I was oblivious to the connection - but I stopped the whistle and all was good in the world again. . . then I turned it back on. I increased the pitch of the whistle thinking that the Salacious one would then notice it - Nothing. But the Squaw again went ballistic, grabbing her ears and darn near screaming: You guys don't hear that?!?!

Still oblivious - I increased the pitch once more. Nothing from the dog - and the Squaw was as feral as my ancestors of eons ago. Scratching at her ears, tearing out clumps of hair, gnashing of teeth and wild eyes of anger: What is going on!?!? You've got to be hearing this!

I started to catch on. I would then do morse code with the whistle. The squaw was then on the hunt. . . and then she got locked on to me and the iPhone. It was amazing her sense of hearing - the dog was still oblivious to it and no one else had any idea what I was doing. I thought it was quite amusing - the Squaw did not.

Today - I was playing the Wii with the oldest and the Boy Second was standing in the kitchen while the Squaw was at the table working on some crafts. She stopped working - was silent for a moment and observed us boys - and the dog was resting soundly on the floor:

"Did you feel that?" she asked.

"No." was all of our reply (including the awake but restful dog).

"I think we just had an earthquake." the Squaw said.

"I didn't feel anything./Me neither./ Whoah cool - I think I felt something (boy the second said trying to fit in with the Squaw)."

"Check the cyberspace." the Squaw directed.

I assured her that there was not an earthquake and we would've noticed if the friggin' earth was moving beneath our feet.

Well - there was an earthquake. It was about 50 miles north of us and a magnitude 5 point something.

So - the Squaw has some hightened sensory perception of things. I don't know about you - but I'm getting a foreboding feeling about this. I'm gonna try to find a way to exploit it and get some moolah out of it - I'm accepting any ideas.

EBL Radio

2009-06-22T00:00:00.001-08:00

The sun is beginning to set up here in the great AK. Summer Solstice is here and from here on out we'll be losing sunlight. I'm depressed.

Over the weekend a full-practice run of the EBL 30 minute radio program aired. You will be able to catch the recorded program and download it to iTunes or your MP3 player as a podcast if you don't have time ready for it or want to listen to it during your commute. The next airdate will be the inaugural Premiere July 4th 8:00 PM EST. There are 4 Shows signed - and will be on each Saturday at 8:00 PM EST - depending on the reviews and show's ratings it will be decided by the end of the third show whether it will be signed on for another 4 shows.

I'm not a writer - so the blog sphere doesn't really fit me; nor am I an experienced radio guy (I volunteered as a DJ for a public radio station in high school)- so being live and expected to fill 30 minutes is quite daunting. Additionally - though I'm able to verbally spar with people I'm comfortable with; if there is someone I'm afraid I might hurt their feelings' well - I won't let loose. Which was painfully evident at the end of the show.

My dream would be to have an actual LIVE birth on air - my sister-in-law just delivered a healthy baby boy, but that was a no go. . . I have a friend in town that is expectant any day . . . so there's hope for that. If you know anyone ready to deliver soon and wants to make radio history have them get in contact with me.

The 4th of July show is going to be a HUGE Extravaganza we'll be celebrating the Nation's birthday and EBL Radio's birth - and so much more. Be sure to clear your calendars and/or share it with a friend at whatever party you may be at.

I'm in the Jailhouse Now

2009-06-19T14:54:00.002-08:00

I'm in the jailhouse now. . . I'm in the jailhouse now. . . that's right and I'm trying to win back the fare of my squaw. So I entered a contest.

Apparently the woman likes womanly things. . . and I came across a woman who does womanly things so I'm trying to breed them together to get something to give to the woman.

http://avintagetouch.blogspot.com/2009/06/blog-art-giveawaycustom-oil-painting-by.html#comment-form

Click this to see what I'm rambling about. . . apparently there are five things I have to do to 'Win' this. Sounds like work to me - and it's not winning something if you work for it. It's compensation.
I'm also supposed to put this button on the sidebar - but seeing as how no one even clicks the ads - even just for curiosity I don't see how adding this button will add anything, but it gets me another entry.

Oooh and I have to add this person as a friend on Facebook - good because I'm already keeping in contact with all 200+ I have on there. I really only know like 1 person on there and they stopped using it. Oh well.

So - that this post isn't just a complete waste of your time; Tomorrow (Saturday) morning EBL Radio will be going live. It's a test show - but you are welcome to listen in to the practice schedule. There's this one guy who keeps asking - well why do you do them if they're just practice and why have people listen to them? Well because it's PRACTICE!! I'm not sure what his parents gave him to drink when he was a baby but . . . darn.

So 12:00 PM EST; 11:00 AM CST; 10:00 AM MST; 9:00 AM PST and 8:00 AM Alaska Time - I guess 7:00 AM for Hawaiians.

go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/eskimoboblives

ROCK'n Roll FRIDAY!!!

2009-06-19T00:00:00.001-08:00

I think that I may make an exception to the audio post for Rock'n Roll Friday. . . what do you folks think?

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!

DO YOU WANT TO ROCK'N ROLL!?!?!?

Scream it to the screens! Tell your neighbor! Slap your Grandma!

I WANT EFFIN' ROCK'N ROLL!!!

HISTORIC 196th POST!!

2009-06-18T00:00:00.000-08:00

There is a lot of buzz regarding the new radio program that will be hitting the Cyberspace. A LOT.

I'd be lying if I said I was nervous. You read that correctly. I'm actually optimistically confident that the one thing that the Cyberspace has been lacking is the Eskimo Bob.

There will be a practice run this weekend - so if you'd like to be a part of the select few who will have access to the unfettered test project be one of the first to comment on this post and I'll be sure to send you the information and special invitation.

So here we are at Thursday and it is the HISTORIC 196th post. Do you know what that means?!?!? Me neither, and I've combed through the vast archive of my posts and haven't come up with any sense of sensibility or order. My hope is that it is just a complete waste of time and when we stand before our judge at judgment day we can look with blank stare and recite: WARNING - This Blog contains . . .

That would ROCK!

So consider this now Judge - you want petty grudges? I got you some petty grudges with you Judges right here. (What's that? . . . . sacrilege? . . . no - I'm calling out the judge. . . . Ohhh!) Uh - Judge - - - um. . .well. . .: WARNING!! . . . [Struck by lightening]

Wednesday Hump Day

2009-06-17T12:00:00.000-08:00

It's a shame that I don't have an audio post for Hump Day - because I was diggin' the Humpty Dance intro.

We're nearly through with the work-week ladies and gentlemen. So buck up and get humpin'.

I remember being a kid and my dad often saying that to get me moving quickly.

"Robert - let's get humpin!"

I sniggered and would say: "Gross! You're my DAD!!"

"I don't get it." would be the stoic reply.

I've never really been understood with my humor. It started in elementary school - I would often have a retort for something said in class or on the playground and when I didn't get the laugh I was anticipating I'd often drop my pants and start whistling dixie.

Mother was sent a note saying I needed to wear underpants.

It was written on my ass.

In middle school - as all of us entered into the painfully awful awkward years, including myself and fellow cool kids - I think we all go through that so that we can understand what nerds go through. It's quickly forgotten - because the nerdy kids just get nerdier and all of sudden the playing field is back to being lumpy and uphill. Some of my friends started to develop a keen sense of humor during this time - but I would often become frustrated as they didn't get the semantics of bit - so I reverted to making jokes about penises and flatulence.

High school - I think we were all just trying to get laid. Nothing is funnier than horned up high school kids who have no idea what they're doing. Well maybe meatballs and bananas for dinner with red snapper entree.

So I have this friend who sends their kid to boarding school. (Don't judge me by my rich snobbish friends. I pooped in a honey bucket and didn't know that there was hard and soft water until I was 19 in MN. [I spent nearly an hour washing my hands at a dinner appointment, because it felt like I still had soap on my hands.]) Anyway - this past week was parent teacher conference. These kids go to a prestigious school in the Pacific Northwest and among the student body is the oldest daughter of Tom Cruise. My friend was very excited about meeting the big man with small stature. She was late to the preliminary assembly and when she got to the conference room - took the seat that was most readily available. As she was situating herself - she noticed that Tom Cruise was seated right behind her.

She excused herself during one of the speeches and went to the bathroom to freshen up for Mr. Cruise, when she noticed in the back of her head that a huge bug was crawling around her hair. So much for the hero Tom Cruise, he wouldn't even help a lady with a bug in her hair. Conveniently she didn't get an autograph or photo taken with Mr. Cruise - so I don't entirely believe her story.

Tomorrow's Thursday Enjoy!!

Tuesday - The Armpit of the Week

2009-06-16T00:00:00.000-08:00

Yes. It is Tuesday. And it is the armpit of the week. Boy the second isn't too happy about it either. He's a quick study - I only weep because he has a lifetime of Tuesdays ahead of him. I think he senses the foreboding also - hence the bad mood.

He was so upset - he gnawed off his left hand. Good thing we're not planning on any trips to the Middle East, because he'd have no way to wipe his bum.

"But Dad - that's what skid marks are for." Boy the second says.

...

Well he's got a point. Let's get that ticket to Constantinople. [No - It's Istanbul.] Istanbul was Constantinople? Now it's Istanbul not Constantinople - I . . . Feel . . . a Song Comin' On!:

Istanbul was Constantinople
Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Now it's Turkish delight on a moonlit night

Every gal in Constantinople
Lives in Istanbul, not Constantinople
So if you've a date in Constantinople
She'll be waiting in Istanbul

Even old New York was once New Amsterdam
Why they changed it I can't say
People just liked it better that way

So take me back to Constantinople
No, you can't go back to Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Why did Constantinople get the works
That's nobody's business but the Turks

Istanbul (Istanbul)
Istanbul (Istanbul)

Even old New York was once New Amsterdam
Why they changed it I can't say
People just liked it better that way

Istanbul was Constantinople
Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Why did Constantinople get the works
That's nobody's business but the Turks

So take me back to Constantinople
No, you can't go back to Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Why did Constantinople get the works
That's nobody's business but the Turks

Suddenly Tuesday doesn't seem so bad. . .

Eskimo Bob Lives

2009-06-15T00:00:00.003-08:00

So no more audio posts; yes - brace yourselves, no more audio posts.

This blogspot will be just for the written word. I can't have any competition for my newest project.

What's that? You haven't heard? Oh yes. EBL has been picked up for a live Internet Radio Spot. We've begun testing some shows - and there are quite a bit of bugs to run through, but you'll be getting your fully interactive Eskimo Bob coming to you starting in July - July 4th is the inaugural show. But EB - you're going up against the birthday of the Nation - yes; and the Nation is celebrating by having EBL go live. So - if you're sitting and tired of watching 5 year old gymnasts doing handstands and cartwheels down main street - you will be able to get online and listen to me.

The show will be an open and transitory format - we're going through some scripts and scenarios for the show and there will be a time for you to call-in and make the show even better than it is. If you have any suggestions or requests - now is the time to send them in as we are developing scripts.

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed about the entire situation, only because I have huge shoes to fill. My own.

Eskimo Bob Lives

2009-06-13T13:49:00.001-08:00

Eskimo Bob Lives

Shared via AddThis

Rock'n Roll Friday

2009-06-12T00:02:00.000-08:00

Please Hammer - Don't Hurt 'Em

2009-06-10T18:20:00.000-08:00

Update

2009-06-10T08:56:00.002-08:00

You may remember my special guest a couple days ago. Well - things are going well with his new music venture. Here's something he just sent to me and asked for me to post. Enjoy!

Hump Day - Time for something a little different.

2009-06-10T00:00:00.002-08:00

*Brainchild of Steven M. Adami

Tuesday - Armpit of the Week

2009-06-09T00:00:00.001-08:00

Want to know what's sad? 28.3% of all traffic for my site is brought because people in Europe Google "Sophie's Armpit" and are directed to EBL.

I'm sure with this second edition of her picture up here my Blog Traffic will increase a quarter.

So to my European Visitors this is for you. Especially you Belorussians.

I don't understand why it is the Europeans are so keen on body hair. Why is it that in the America's *South included (Hey Brazilians where are you?) do we have such an aversion to the body hair?

I have my own personal tastes regarding the matter - which I'm sure none of you really care about; but on the whole the American society prefers the hairless.

Which is odd - because the evil bad guys (who are European) always have hairless pussy cats. Maybe that's just Dr. Evil. It's hard though to find anything in movies more creepy than a completely hairless pussy cat. When I was in MN I often took pictures of shaved pussy cats. I'm gonna have to find those and post them. There's this one pussy cat that is shaved and looks completely like a lion or Sphinx. Also there were a lot of dead cat pictures.

So - I just finished watching 'The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien'. Several of you inquired what I thought of Monsieur Conan. I will love that Irish Bastard till my dying day. We began our journey together. As I was beginning my life at College in 1993 - Conan was beginning his life on the late-night circuit. That humor along with MST3K really helped me through those first 7 months of College. Conan did seem a little overwhelmed last week - but he handled it fine.

No one has inquired yet about the 'Baby Raping' that I mentioned last week. Either there is no interest in it - which is disturbing; or there is unspoken interest in it - which is even more disturbing . . .

That tale will be told at another time.

Today is Tuesday. The Armpit of the Week - Monday regurgitated. You still have about a week's worth of work - except the lucky few who now have three-day weekends. Are those like Three Dogs Night? Please elaborate:

EB and Ray pt. 1 & 2

2009-06-08T00:00:00.002-08:00

EBL & Ray pt. 1
She Doesn't Love Me

EBL & Ray pt. 2
Theft & THOR

Disgruntled Optimist

2009-06-05T12:00:00.006-08:00

*Warning*
*This Post Will Have EXPLICIT LANGUAGE*

So I was going about my normal routine this morning - and saw that I had received some new insights - which was peculiar because they were for older (though recent posts) including the newest Rock'n Roll Friday. Some human being decided to leave some controversial comments. Rather than just delete them and ignore them (like my psychologist recommended) I'm posting them for all to see.

"But EB - that's just giving the human being the spotlight that they crave."

That may be true. But the human being posted it under anonymity - and is more than likely some 15 yr. old who is out of school and has nothing else to do. Either way this human being is participating in some cockroach behavior. And how do you get rid of cockroaches? NUCLEAR ANNIHILATION - possible but it may not be as effective. You simply shine a light on them and they scatter. So without further ado - here is the human being:

You suck! You are the biggest wannabe in the history of wannabe's. Not only is your blog a waste of brain matter - it's a waste of space and time.

Learn to write you dumbass!

Who do you think you are? This is the stupidest and biggest piece of shit this side of the colon. If you were really an Eskimo then I'd hope that your tribe would put you on an iceberg to DIE!!
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You're a racist piece of shit! Someone should put a noose around your neck and let you dangle and see what it's like!

Again learn to write - what a waste - you think you are so damn funny, well you're just a FUCKING no talent hack who stares at little boys.

How DARE you put a picture of the LORD and SAVIOR on there and then pretend that you are in HIS Likeness! I'm 100% Sure that if our dear LORD and Savior were down here He'd kick your fucking ass!

I hope that you die!
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I can't believe that you got some woman to actually marry you - she must be retarded.

I don't hate anyone - except for YOU!

I'm sure the Jews would gladly take their chances with Hitler if given the choice between that and reading your piece of shit blog.

If all Eskimo's are like you -then I hate them too! I'd hope to bear your seed only so that I could kill little baby Eskimos. You should find a soul you soul-less bastard.
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How DARE you associate yourself with Alice Cooper! YOU SUCK!! You're a no talent hack who has to rely on other people to even stand a chance!
Why don't you do the world a favor and just DIE!!!
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So - when I first read these I thought that it was one of my buddies leaving a joke - but then they got more mean spirited and not so funny. I called up some of the 'Usual Suspects'

- Hey do you have a new screen handle?

- No; I tried to leave a comment earlier but I had some issues so I gave up.

- I said nothing of leaving a comment. (Duhn duhn DUHHNNN)

- Huh?

- Oh nothing; have you been to the blog today? [No.] Oh - someone left some comments and they started off funny enough but then it became quite mean spirited.

- Oh no. I haven't been by today yet. But I'll go check it out.

Listen to 'The Rebuttal' Below
Featuring the song: Horseshoes and Hand Grenades by Green Day

Rock'n Roll Friday

2009-06-05T00:00:00.002-08:00

Wha . . .Whaa?!?!

2009-06-04T00:00:00.000-08:00

Today's Thursday! Where the heck did that come from? This week has just flown by - I can't believe it's nearly over. Believe me - the fact that the in-laws left Monday has nothing to do with it. Seriously.

I'm trying to come up with something to write - usually I do the writing at 11:30 PM when Seinfeld is on - after watching The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien; but today I had to rent a free movie otherwise it was going to go away. I couldn't turn away a free movie - that's like saying: "No - Really I have enough good things in my life. I really can't take another good thing."

So tonight the Squaw and I watched said free movie. It was a drama. It is based on a true story. It is the movie 'Defiance' with Daniel Craig. So no Conan - just drama.

Admittedly I had no idea what this movie was about - but it was a choice of either this movie or 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop' and seeing as how that tanked fast in the theaters I wasn't too keen on using a precious free movie coupon on it. I'm horrible at retelling things - ask the Squaw about my joke telling ability. Sucks ASS.

All I have to say is - if you hate Jews, this movie is not for you. You will only become frustrated and angry. I don't think you will find it enjoyable, uplifting, motivating or entertaining. It will be two hours of torture.

I'm fairly indifferent when it comes to Jews - I've only known two openly Jewish people and haven't had a beef with them; but I love this movie. If it weren't for the 'R' rating I believe that I would have a space filled out on the movie shelf with it right there waiting. I know - it's kind of weird that there's a rule in the house that we can't own any 'R' rated movies, but I can bring them into the home and have it broadcast throughout the house. . . I so want to be able to wake up in the middle of the night and say: "I'm in the mood for 'The Departed' let me pop it in." Alas - it's not to be.

Alright it's midnight - time to post. Catch y'all tomorrow - thanks for stopping by. Bring a friend.

In Touch

2009-06-03T00:00:00.001-08:00

*Don't Stop Me Now! - Queen*

(Knock Knock Knock) {Door opens}: Excuse me; One minute. . . (waving finger).

(Knock Knock Knock) [Door opens]: Excuse me; One minute . . . (waving finger).

(Knock Knock Knock) . . . . (Knock Knock Knock) . . . . (Knock Knock Knock) . . . . - . . . . - . . . .

"He's not home! What do you want?!?!"

Are you sure - I thought I heard a television turn off. (Knock Knock Knock) {Door Opens}: I KNEW IT!! HA HA Youuuu! (I turn and mockingly point at the man who dared to question me).

Okay. Now that you are all gathered together in the hallway. I. Am Eskimo Bob. I have this Blog see. And - DON'T YOU SHUT THAT DOOR! Sorry I didn't mean to scream. And I'm here to tell you a little bit about it.

You see - I've taken a trip into the Cyberspace. And I'm leaving it all out there. [Yes . . . that's why I'm not wearing any pants.]

*Don't Stop Me Now - Queen*

(Inside a rundown apartment with my new friends: Hayzues, Arnold, Patty and Bart)

Boy - if my mom could see me now. . . I haven't hung out with a Latino AND a Black person at the same time! Patty - what ethnicity are you?

"I have a little Italian in me . . . (Shifts her weight - then I notice Zanipolo)"

"Hayy BuhoB - Welcome!" Zanipolo says.

"I have no idea what's in me - I guess I'm just a mutt mix." Patty laments.

Patty - it's alright. A lot of people are mixes now. It's hard to find someone who is truly a pure blood anymore. I myself am the product of cross-cultural love.

"I think this topic is getting too familiar and you're kind of creeping me out. Especially since you don't have pants on."

"Ohla Arnold - stop stealing my hairnets!" yells Hayzues.

"You acting all cuhrazy - donchu be accusationing me about stealing no hairnets!" [Slipping hairnet over head].

Please - please. Let's not have things get out of control. We're all minorities here. . . except for Bart.

[Slowly every eye turns to Bart. Who is grabbing handfuls of chips and storing them in plastic baggies.]

"What? Hey - I brought some Paul Simon singing African Songs."

*Don't Stop Me Now - Queen*

The Gloves are off

2009-06-02T00:00:00.001-08:00

Welcome my followers. You are in the midst of greatness and better off for spending a few moments here - make your sacrifice complete and bring a friend. It's always better to experience the Eskimo Bob with a friend - and witnesses.

Many of you may have noticed a decline in the quality of the posts. I know I have. Somehow I had lost focus on the adventure of the Cyberspace in which we started on and became more journally and intimate than I had planned. I blame it on the imported marijuana. I live in the Matanuska Valley of Alaska which produces world famous Grass. It's called 'Thunder Fu(%' So why turn to South of the border weed when it's available right outside my door?

But no more. I'm back to basics - and just as the marijuana namesake: I'm gonna be raining some TF.

"But Eskimo Bob - you don't drink, smoke, dance, or make fun of people with special needs. How can you bring this up? You're the father of two boys who will be looking at this someday and deduce that you are giving your 'O.K' for them to experiment with mind altering drugs."

(Dancing, holding a red plastic cup, listening to Rastafarian jams and holding what looks like a water bong). "What? What did you say man? You have really small eyes and very large teeth. . . are you going to eat my Grandma? . . . Where's my Twinkie? I have munchies."

"EB - really. This isn't funny. You're glorifying drug use and debauchery."

(Taking a drink from the red plastic cup). "Your forehead is very wavy . . . if you had the American flag painted on your head I'd salute you." (Begins marching and making tooting sounds with protruding lips).

[Blank stare and absent minded shaking of head] "Oh . . . Eskimo Bob. What happened?"

My follower - you have entered the Cyber Space. . . no drugs needed; enjoy the ride and add your own take on the sitch. . . bring on your own TF. See you in the comments:

A New Era

2009-06-01T00:00:00.000-08:00

The Dimmed Light, The Final Curtain

2009-05-30T10:02:00.004-08:00

The Dimmed Light - the draw of the final curtain

2009-05-30T01:16:00.004-08:00

And so it ends...

Sunday marks the last day of the post of The Official Blog of Steven M. Adami.

You may have noticed that I haven't posted anything since last Tuesday. This has been to honor Steve. The intention behind the act wasn't well known, which is appropriate since Steve's blog wasn't that well known either.

Steve's last entry was actually a few days ago - but he will pull the plug on the site effective June 1st. So will end the arduous days of http://isqueezefish.blogspot.com.

Steve has been and will continue to be a monumental presence in my life. Mostly because he still owes me about $23,000 plus interest for a little 'job' I did for him back in '93. He is the funniest person I know - and I know a lot of funny people. His humor is subtle like a jackhammer and svelte like Debbie Lee. His humor is heartbreaking and awkward - like a nerdy teenager, and . . . most of all - it's loving; like a gentle caressing of the tongue to a teat of a cow, with a hurried - yet apprehensive suckle manipulating that piece of flesh to produce the lactation of life fluid.

Steve has and will be an inspiration in my creative outlets; in College he was part of a comedy troupe in which I bastardized myself into through various re-tellings and has made its way into my resume. We would go to various all-you-can-eat buffets and come up with various skits and games for the troupe to do. I always felt like I was behind when it came to Steve's aptitude of comedy. Well - now he's stepping aside.

So now the gloves are off bitches. Get ready for some Eskimo! EBL will be back up and running in its full naked glory Monday June 1st. Remind me to tell you about 'Baby Raping' sometime in the future.

Tuesday - Armpit of the Week

2009-05-26T14:09:00.002-08:00

It's not fair. . . I tell you; it's just not fair.

Today's weather is even better than yesterdays. It was nice to be able to enjoy the sunshine on my shoulders, it made me happy.

Now - the sunshine through the window mocks. It says; today's my last day of being out before the rain clouds come in. Too bad you're being responsible and not blowing off the work day to play. (It would be justified right)?

That's about it. . . I'm gonna go - if anything else hits the brain I'll post it later.

Thanks for stopping by.

Memorial Day Reverence

2009-05-25T18:29:00.004-08:00

Like most folks today in the U.S. I slept in.

I had a warm shower. I had electricity. I also have peace of mind regarding my safety from attack from an enemy force.

I have these things because of the self-less service of hundreds of thousands of our fellow-men who put their lives on the line for their country.

These are pictures of my half-brother. He served in Kuwait and got home safely a few months ago.

I went about my activities with a sense of relief that I could spend it with family and not have to toil. It would be selfish of me - not to acknowledge that I've been able to enjoy today without the aide of our military men and women. Thank you for today - I couldn't have had it with out you.

Saturday Evening Post

2009-05-23T15:15:00.000-08:00

Call-A-Thon

2009-05-22T10:36:00.002-08:00

Rock'n'Roll Friday

2009-05-22T00:00:00.002-08:00

Call-In Thursday er... Wednesday

2009-05-20T21:59:00.003-08:00

Hey folks.

So I know I had been toting the call-in show for today, Thursday. However - I have a scheduling conflict. "But EB - you set your own work schedule."

It's true - I just forgot that I had the non-revenue generating call-in show when I set my Thursday revenue generating activity. Yet another Eskimo Bobism.

I did get in a couple of phone-calls today. I thought about just putting them down - but will wait until I can get a couple more of you to call in - those who already have, don't spill the beans on the 'twist'.

The in-laws have made their trek from the lower 48 safely up here. It's actually been a very pleasant visit - true it's only been two real days, but I've really enjoyed having them. The boys especially have enjoyed having them here - which has made it even more fun.

On a serious note - one of my dearest friends mother has come upon some health issues. So if you will please put out those positive health vibes for my friends mother - I would greatly appreciate it.

This Monday the 2nd boy had his Kindergarten Graduation - that was a bittersweet time.

Before they took their final seat of the Graduation program - each of the students found their parent to give them a flower - that was a precious moment.

Tomorrow - I won't be able to take any calls, but I can open some time up on Friday - and have made it possible for the phone lines to be open. Again - I'll send you the number you will need to call in to.

Have a great day folks - Tomorrow is nearly the end!

Post from the iPhone. Check the comments.

2009-05-19T09:55:00.000-08:00

Blue Monday

2009-05-18T00:00:00.004-08:00

Saturday Evening Post

2009-05-16T20:51:00.003-08:00

Rock'N'Roll Friday

2009-05-15T00:00:00.002-08:00

Music Soothes

2009-05-14T19:18:00.004-08:00

Hello folks - (humm sigh)

So I haven't posted recently, because I just haven't had anything that really fed the creative side. A sort of blue cloud over everything. . . so I did as what most folks do - I turned to music.

So here are some of the songs that were on the iPod - Pearl believes that iPods are like fortune tellers, so this could be disconcerting, but I am a teenager of the 90's - so it was uplifting. . . enjoy.

Tuesday - Armpit of the Week

2009-05-12T08:18:00.003-08:00

I've mentioned how much worse Tuesday is than Monday - even though today I have it stacked with conference meetings; I'm calling it a weekend. I'm going to wear short pants to the board meeting. I'll listen to Jimmy Buffet and speak that chilleaze language. I'll have steak for lunch.

I'll celebrate after lunch that Tuesday is on it's death bed. As the beginning work week gives way to the mid-week which will then turn to the birth of the glorious weekend.

Blue Monday

2009-05-11T07:34:00.000-08:00

(Intro)
Fats Domino Blue Monday clip
This is Eskimo Bob Lives and I am Eskimo Bob. Welcome to Blue Monday.

That's all that I could come up with today. . . so it's not worth an audio post. It's hardly worth a typed post. Perhaps something will come up later - but probably not. It's Monday.

None Shall Sleep

2009-05-09T22:40:00.001-08:00

Tag.

2009-05-09T00:00:00.000-08:00

The Premio MEME Blog! I was tagged!

So I was tagged and given a major award. I don't know what the award is - but it's a MEME, perhaps it's all about me and given to those who have a healthy amount of narcissism. There are apparently rules to this award - so in order to make it legitimate here they are -

The Premio MEME Blog AwardRules:

A. List 7 personality traits about yourself.

B. Tag/award 7 blogs that deserve such fine recognition for the personalities that they share with the blogging world.

A-1: There isn't much I remember from my first year of college - for the first ten months - I really only remember three-to-four of them clearly. I've tried to wipe most of it from my memory with lots and lots of therapy. However - I do remember from Psych 101 that there are typically 5 personality traits: OCEAN

Openness: I think that had to do whether or not you were emotionally available for stimuli. Like the Arts or Creativeness. I think I have a healthy dose of that.

Conscientiousness : I remember that being more anal retentive. Not very spontaneous. . . I don't think I have much of that.

E . .. .. . : I can't remember what that one was.

Agreeableness: Compassionate. I think that's the hard to say "No" complex. . . I have a hearty dose of that. . . don't ask the boys about that though.

Neurotic. . . Throwing a conniption fit. If I don't have enough caffeine in the system I get quite irritable.

I'm being very conscientious now - because I can't let go the fact that I don't remember what 'E' is . . . extrovert? energetic? I don't remember. I'm leaning toward extrovert - because it seems like a psych 101 answer. . . but I like to be around folks, but also like to have my alone time.

B2: How about the first seven people to visit the site after I post this? We have the Feedjit counter so we will know where in the world you will be - I'm guessing the Sri Lanka dude/ette won't participate. So we'll narrow it down to the first seven of the regular folks who visit and actually read or listen to the posts.

Friday Headlines

2009-05-08T09:19:00.002-08:00

My friend Steve is prolific in his writing of news stories - but I think that this actual headline takes the cake.

Study blames over-eating, not poor exercise for U.S. Obesity.

by Mariette le Roux Mariette Le Roux – Fri May 8, 5:47 am ET

AMSTERDAM (AFP) – Over-eating, not a lack of exercise, is to blame for the American obesity epidemic, a new study claimed Friday, warning that physical activity could not fully compensate for excess calories.

"There is no evidence that a marked reduction in physical activity has been a contributor to this epidemic in the United States," study leader Boyd Swinburn told AFP on the sidelines of an international obesity conference in Amsterdam, where the research was unveiled.

"The increase in energy intake... virtually explained all of the weight gain."

Swinburn, a professor at the health faculty of Australia's Deakin University, said American children had grown on average four kilogrammes (nine pounds) heavier over the past three decades with adults putting on an extra eight kgs (17 pounds).

The study calculated what Americans should weigh today based on their current, higher food intake, and comparing this to their actual weight.

If they weighed more than projected, this would suggest a drop in physical activity.

In fact, researchers found that American adults weighed less than could be expected from their diet, "which means that if anything over that period of time, the adults had been increasing their physical activity, not decreasing," said Swinburn.

Among children, the tests yielded a 100 percent match, leading researchers to conclude that changes in physical activity had had no impact whatsoever on America's children growing fatter.

The findings would "probably be similar" for other developed countries, Swinburn said.

For the US population to return to its leaner, 1970s self, children would have to cut their intake by about 350 calories a day -- equal to one can of fizzy drink and a small portion of French fries, and adults by about 500 calories -- the equivalent of a Big Mac burger.

Alternatively, children would have to walk for an extra two-and-a-half hours a day, and adults for nearly two hours, said Swinburn.

"Getting everybody to walk an extra two hours a day is not really a feasible option for countering the epidemic," he said.

"We need to limit our expectations of what an increase in physical activity can achieve."

Swinburn stressed that the findings did not seek to negate the value of physical activity for weight control and overall health.

"But if we want to influence the underlying drivers (behind obesity), we have to have our eye much more on the energy intake side than on the physical activity side."

In short, Americans must eat less, he said.

The World Health Organisation estimates that in 2005, about 1.6 billion adults were overweight, of which at least 400 million were obese.

The conference was organised by the European Association for the Study of Obesity.

Rock'n'Roll Friday

2009-05-08T00:38:00.003-08:00

Just music on here folks. No Easter Eggs or hidden things. Hope you enjoy your weekend.

I feel terrible . . .

2009-05-07T11:06:00.002-08:00

Cold sweats. . . high fever . . . uncontrollable shaking and trembling. . .wanting to cough - but too weak . . . my body hurts . . . my eyes water . . . my joints feel like they're going to fall off. . . I don't want to breath - because it makes my chest move. . . WHY - WHY - Did I take that bet to drink the pond water?!?!?

The declaration of being the baddest man on the planet wasn't worth it. . . especially from . . . from someone named Ramsey. Why did I let you talk me into it Ramsey? I didn't know who you were even two weeks ago - but you come into my life. Take me out to lunches - tell me how cool you think I am. . . tell me how funny I am - gradually increase the asinine things we do from:

Telling the drive-in window order taker - 'Can I get a "HELL YEAH" when they ask - "Is there anything else you would like?"
Change my voicemail from: "I'm either on the phone or with a client" to "I'm either on a client or with a phone".
Give myself Kool-Aid tattoos then go up to someone and tell them "I'm from the street - check out my ink to check my cred."
Volunteer at an Old Folks Home and give talks focused on death and the dying process - while having a countdown clock running behind me.

I feel terrible . . .

Cinco de Mayo Celebration

2009-05-06T00:00:00.001-08:00

I hope that everyone enjoyed their Mexican holiday yesterday. I enjoyed myself spending the day humming: 'Feliz Navidad' and 'La Bamba'. I also remembered the important Mexican people in history that helped shape our country to what it is today: Zorro - Oscar de la Hoya - Julio Cesar Chavez - Sbarro's Pizza - Julio down by the school yard - Maria and Luis from Sesame Street and of course Anthony Quinn.

I brought the brood to our local Mexican restuarante - I'm sensitive to the current situations though. I like to think that I'm hip, up-to-date and have my finger on the pulse of what's important. I made sure that each of us had a double-ply of surgical masks on to offset the chances of catching Swine Flu. I asked our server to not touch our utensils - and I brought our own beverages. When the food was brought out - I had taken out the blue-light antibacterial and virus killer - we had the food sit under the light for five minutes prior to eating. When it was time to pay the check - I had paid in cash so that we wouldn't have to exchange my card and expose that to risk.

Eric - our server - seemed offended and brought out the manager. We were asked to not return to Taco Bell. We're just trying to celebrate with our Mexican hemanos.

Minnesotan Musings

2009-05-05T00:00:00.003-08:00

Growing up I was fairly indifferent to the state of Minnesota or its residents. That all changed in 1991. I was a junior in high school - there was quite the contingent of the student body and faculty who had migrated from MN to the AK. For the most part I got along fine with them - until October.

The halls of the high school became littered with hankies. . . Minnesota Twins Homer Hankies.

This was a problem - because I was the sole Atlanta Braves fan. . . and that October - Atlanta and Minnesota were pitted against each other in the World Series.

Throughout the series - my indignation and rage built steadily against those Minnesotans - until game 7 - when Minnesota beat the Braves to become the World Champions - wherein the bitterness reached its Zenith.

After the Twins won - I had become a sworn enemy to all things Minnesotan. Little did I know - that my future had a different path planned.

The years went on - the Twins having gone on into relative obscurity - while the Atlanta Braves proved themselves to be one of the most dominate teams in the 90's (sans World Titles). In the spring of 1995 - I had sent in my application to the LDS Church headquarters to become a full-time missionary for the Church. I had put my entire faith in them of being inspired where to put me to work.

My hopes were for Germany - or someplace warm if I couldn't go to the land of my forebears. After all - the other young men from my home town got to go to some quite exotic places. One went to London - another Ireland - a couple to Japan - and my best friend was sent to South Carolina. Ahh - warmth or foreign land here I come!

March 1995 - Weber St. vs Georgetown - EPIC March Madness! My roommates and I were getting our party prepared - when the mailman arrived. We saw him pull up to the mailbox - take out the mail - and put something in. I knew. My call had arrived.

Receiving a mission call is a rite of passage for the young men in the LDS Church. So I was excited - my roommates were excited. We ran down to the mailbox - and sure enough. A. Big. White. Envelope. Addressed to Elder Eskimo Bob.

I went back to my apartment - and with roommates encircling me - and asking for last minute predictions whether I'd be 'Stateside' or 'Foreign' - I opened the envelope.

I have to admit - I was really jazzed.

I opened it - pulled out the letter and skimmed over it to find out my destination.

You are hereby called to serve in the Minnesota Minneapolis Mission. . . . what?

The Twins? Homer Hankies? Those were the exact two thoughts that ran through my mind then. I had 9 weeks to get my affairs in order to be sent (on my dime) to preach Love and Salvation to Minnesotans. . . God defiantly has a healthy sense of irony - or perhaps he doesn't particularly care much for the South (personally - I think they don't need it, they're darn near perfect - now we just need some World Championships). I soon accepted my call - and went. . . I even went to a Twins Game - but rooted for the Indians - but those 24 months in Minnesota are some of the best months of my life. I've even learned to love that place - but not the Twins (Vikings I really like - I put up with the Timberwolves).

One of my favorite areas is Northeast Minneapolis - where I lived for 7 months - in the winter on a bike. Another is Mankato - where I ended my mission - and where I was introduced to the band 'The Divers'. They are a local band with some great tunes. I looked them up online today and they're still performing in MN - here's one of their songs. It's nostalgic - and also appropriate to ring in Summer - enjoy. It's followed by their signature song - or least it's signature to me: Espresso My Love.

EBL Phone-In

2009-05-04T15:00:00.001-08:00

Blue Monday

2009-05-04T00:00:00.002-08:00

It is Eskimo Bob Lives, and it's Monday. It was a beautiful weekend - Friday, Saturday and Sunday we hit record high temperatures where in we were above 70 degrees. Which unfortunately plays into the 'Global Warming' theory - but it was oh so fun. We lit up the grill - had some great food - enjoyed the sunshine - went on nice walks and had some great naps.

One would think that such a relaxing and wonderful weekend would have creative juices going. I have nothing. Nada. Zero.

I thought about doing another Field Trip - but it's too soon.

So at time of posting I don't have anything to add - however there is an announcement. EBL will be having a LIVE audio blog taping today Monday the 4th of May 2009, at 4:00 PM EST - there will be phone lines open for callers to call-in and possibly make it onto the blog. The phone lines will be open for one-hour closing at 5:00 PM EST and calls will have a five minute time-limit. So have a question or comment ready to maximize the use of the time.

So if you have a question or comment that you want to have on the live recorded audio blog call in to: XXX-XXX-XXXX. You didn't really think I'd post my number online for anyone to call at any random time did you? If you would like the number for the call-in send in an e-mail request for the telephone number at eskimobob75@gmail.com

I'll hear from you folks later on today.

Rock'n'Roll Friday

2009-05-01T02:30:00.002-08:00

Life of the Party

2009-04-30T12:01:00.001-08:00

Okay folks - time to play a game. Involvement will be required - it's easy just click the insight button and put what on your mind.

This game will be dubbed: First Things -

The game play - I will make an open-ended statement, you fill in the blank. Easy squeezy.

When I say 'PINE' you think _____________.

Field Trip

2009-04-29T08:00:00.003-08:00

It's OFFICIAL - WE HAVE A NEW ADDITION!!!!

2009-04-28T22:24:00.003-08:00

Yes - the Eskimo Bob clan has increased by one. Please welcome 'The Salacious Ignatius'.

Iggy joined our family yesterday - Monday. He is adopted and like most adoptions in Alaska it's due to knowing a family that just doesn't want another mouth to feed.

Iggy is eight months old and has already lived a hard knocked life. He was purchased from a breeder of Terriers in Washington state. He's actually a mixed breed - (a lack of oversight from the breeder). He wasn't the first choice of his previous owners - they actually wanted a Boxer, but were told by that breeder that they'd have to wait four hours to hear back from him - so they just went for the next thing in line. That was Iggy.

Then the previous owners got the dog that they really wanted. A Corgi. The two pups grew up together and seemed to be getting along fine. Until about two months ago - then the Corgi started to establish dominance. The Corgi wouldn't allow Iggy to eat - then would randomly just kick his butt just to show that he could. The beatings escalated until this past weekend when the two dogs were coming in when the Corgi went for blood. The owners thought that the Corgi was going to kill poor Iggy - so then they put out the word that they were going to get rid of their good dog. The dog that doesn't attack. The dog that doesn't bark. The dog - that is perfect for our tribe.

Iggy is already submissive, so that saves on my energy of establishing dominance.

So now it's been a full day that 'The Salacious Ignatius' has been with us - and he seems to be acclimating. He's still real skittish - which the boys are really trying to be sensitive to. But we're excited nonetheless to welcome him to our little igloo.

*I had thought that I had posted this for reading first thing in the morning - but the puter has been fritzing out again. Better late than never eh? Have a good one folks.

Entrepreneurship

2009-04-27T00:00:00.000-08:00

I love the free market.

Because of the free market I was given the childhood that I have. Materialistic desires, an eye for the marketing (front and back-end) and of course - business ownership. I love Mom & Pop shops more than the national box stores, but also get why we have and need them. Well - I mostly love Mom & Pop shops.

A couple of weeks ago - the Squaw took one of our comforters to the local Dry Cleaners. We've taken things there before and have had no complaints. It's Korean owned and there really wasn't a need to communicate. Just show up with the laundry - grab a ticket - leave - return with ticket - pick up cleaned laundry - pay the bill - leave. Simple.

Well, the Squaw was on a trip - and the comforter was supposed to have been cleaned and ready basically when she returned from her trip. She returned - the Comforter did not.

Let me explain.

Did you notice the little breakdown of events that I had just a paragraph previous? We got to the 4th step but couldn't complete the 5th. The comforter had been lost. This meant we now had to communicate with the store owner.

Listen: I have no beef with people wanting to come to America, or the U.S.A. however folks describe it outside - and starting their own business. But if it's done. Please make sure that there is an employee who is able to clearly speak the English language. I can deal with an accent - as long as the sentences are coherent. I can deal with in coherent sentences as long as their is no accent. I can even deal with being able to participate in a badly played charade gestures - but heaven help with the gift of tongues with this very nice Korean lady.

We stood across the counter from each other trying to figure out what in the world I was trying to communicate. I would try to have a transcript of what we said to each other - but I don't have a clue.

I admit - I actually thought that I could make her understand by speaking slower and using hand gestures (NOT vulgar) [and of which I often poke a lot of fun at]. The conversation had gotten so jilted and broken that I swear that there was a three-minute lull wherein we just stared each other in the eye trying to mentally communicate. It didn't work.

Finally - by showing the ticket number and saying "Blanket" and "LOST" several times - did we finally have the mutual understanding that my comforter was lost. I had also hoped to get reimbursed on the comforter - which the business owner (understandably) did not want to do. We ended up agreeing to give the comforter an extra business week to find its way home.

I tried several times during the week to make a follow-up phone call. But discussing over the phone was much worse than in person - the hand gestures did not work there as well.

At the end of the tale - the Comforter made it back home - we didn't have to pay full price, we got a whole $5 taken off the bill for the trouble we had. Apparently the business owner - from a previous conversation had thought I was giving the comforter as a welcome gift to coming to the U.S.A.

The moral of the story again is this: well - I guess I'll hand it over to you folks. You tell me what you think the moral of the story is. Have a great one!

Rock'N'Roll Friday

2009-04-24T00:38:00.004-08:00

HISTORIC 150th POST!

2009-04-23T10:08:00.004-08:00

It's important to celebrate the little things in life. Most folks take certain things for granted. Growing up in rural Alaska has taught me that. One hundred fifty has a special meaning in the Yup'ik Eskimo Culture. I don't want to get off topic - but if you are really dying to know - Google 'Eskimo 150 Meaning'

So here I am celebrating my 150th Post.

There may not be one tomorrow, and I am glad to have been able to get this far.

Tonight - I take my lovely wife to go watch 'SPAMALOT'. It is a TONY award winning Broadway Musical that is playing in Anchorage. I've very excited. Amber and I used to frequent the Theatre quite a bit when we lived in civilization - so we're very excited about tonights date. Heck I'm even missing an episode of "The Office" so that I may go.

So there it is my friends. The 150th post.

Humble. Just like me.

Now for something completely different!

The other day Pearl had something about Underdog on there and I perused it and then read it. I found out there there is an island of misfit blogs. Yes - where many emotionally damaged individuals go to post their cares away and where everyone thinks they know their name. It is Underdogs Unite! It is a commune of folks who have gotten together to help themselves feel better for no one reading their blogs - or being overshadowed by 'The Man'. Or as I like to call it: Drama Class in High School.

It is a place where bloggers have been nominated for several awards - but really don't have a shot at winning. ("I'm still pulling for you Pearl. - Just so you know I voted for Romney, and things didn't turn out too well. I'm just sayin.")

I wrote in to Kate - and told her of my pitiful story that is my blog - and well. . . I won another major award! It was so awesome they had to make up an award for it. [No - it is not like giving the 'Do-Do Bird award'] {Hey - just because it was 'Made Up' doesn't make it less special! GOD just 'Made Up the Earth - and we celebrated Earth day just yesterday!}

Well - it was quite a day for EBL. I do appreciate everyone who stops by and says something in the comments, heck even just the people stopping by, but don't be shy.

That's it for Eskimo Bob Lives. Remember to drink all of your milk, smile broadly, and tip your waitress. Rock'n'Roll Friday is tomorrow!

Fire! Tuesday - Armpit of the Week.

2009-04-21T09:48:00.004-08:00

First off - many of you have noticed the beautiful and frightening Eskimo Mask that welcomes you to EBL every time you visit. The mask was photographed by the wonderfully talented Steve Michaan. He collects these masks to help preserve them and has a website set up where all may be able to see these priceless works of art and historic artifacts. You can visit the website by clicking here or using the address at http://www.eskimoivory.com. My thanks to him for allowing EBL to share this mask with everyone.

It is Eskimo Bob Lives and it's Tuesday - the Armpit of the Week. I hope everyone had a chance to listen to Mr. Manybears yesterday and given this economic hard time - while he has his palm out let's turn it around and give him a happy ending - before things get too hairy.

Now - If you may recall - for Easter here at the Eskimo Bob abode we had forgone the traditional Ham Dinner for Easter with the ever celebratory Turkey Dinner. I had prepared the turkey and it came out delicious - it was so moist and juicy. Mostly the story ends there. People don't give the back story - or have the "Making of" special feature available in their stories. Here on EBL - it's a Special Edition of sorts. You will have a special peek into the "Making of" and learn how it played an integral part to the activites on Sunday.

I prepared the turkey as usual - placing it in the oven bag or whatever it's called. Placed it in the oven and off to Church we went. Three hours later we come home - the house isn't filled with smoke, but it's definatley smokey. We open the oven and billows of smoke come out of the oven. I thought that maybe the oven bag had somehow gotten onto a part of the oven rack or side of the oven which would cause the smoke. I took the turkey out - and the bag was fine, but it was half full of liquid. Turkey drippings and butter - mmm gravy would be good. . . but it was so full that the liquid was overflowing and had covered the bottom of the oven. Hence the smoke.

Amber left the next day for her trip. The oven was never used again. (As a side note - she came home Friday night - then Saturday afternoon was going to use the microwave - and found a plate full of turkey left overs:

"Whose turkey is this?" she asked.

"OH - there it is. I was wondering where that had gone to. I didn't remember eating it - I was making that for my Thursday lunch." I replied. Aside over.)

Which brings us to Sunday - she was preparing a lovely dinner and started to heat up the oven to make some garlic bread. A few minutes in smoke starting billowing out of the oven.

"What's going on? What's burning?" I said.

"I'm just making garlic bread - I don't know what the problem is. Did you clean the oven while I was gone?"

"Yes." I immediately responded. Just then a big plume of smoke had escaped the oven as I finished my lie.

We took out the garlic bread - and I started to clean the oven. I figured: The oven has a clean cycle on here - I might as well use it. Amber interjects: "Shouldn't you clean out the grease first?"

"Quiet woman."

I got the cycle set - started the cleaning - and we sat down to dinner.

It was a nice dinner and pleasant conversation - then I used my mind powers.

"Smoke is still coming out of the oven - wouldn't it be funny if a fire started because I'm cleaning the oven?"

"No. No Bob that would not be funny." Amber replied sternly.

Wouldn't you know - a fire started.

Amber got out the baking soda - which was empty. I asked "Where's the fire extinguisher?" finding out we didn't have one. We stood helpless as the oven door was locked and would not open under any circumstance so we could put the fire out. We just watched through the glass this little bonfire happening in the oven. It looked like it could've been fun if we had some drinks, music playing and friends dancing around. But soon the fire died and I was commissioned to go buy a fire extinguisher, baking soda, and oven cleaner. And that was our lovely Sunday dinner activity - put in motion a week before hand because Amber was too cheap to have lamb to celebrate victory over death and sin.

So that does it for today's post. Thanks for visiting and remember: To drink all of your milk, smile broadly, and tip your waitress.

Blue Monday - The Economy has hit EBL

2009-04-20T00:00:00.003-08:00

For a written transcript please click here: or visit http://isqueezefish.blogspot.com

Rock'n'Roll Friday

2009-04-17T00:00:00.002-08:00

Playing Well With Others

2009-04-16T06:30:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Darsden for tagging me (in elementary school I would often punch the kid who was 'IT' in the throat if they tried to tag me, because I wasn't that fast of a runner) I am going to try and play along (this time) Dars - it's because you've been so kind and well, after the incident in 1983 - it's been mandated that I attempt to play well with others. . .

8 things I'm looking forward to
1. Having the Squaw home -
2. Higher Guaranteed Interest Rates
3. Hugh Jackman as 'Wolverine'
4. Heaven
5. Learning four more 'H' words so I can do a joke right - (I was going to list all of these starting with 'H')
6. June and making Council
7. Losing more weight
8. Increasing my 401 (k) participation

8 things I did yesterday
1. Woke Up
2. Rubbed my . . . eyes (yawn)
3. Said 'Good Morning" to the boys
4. Made breakfast for the boys
5. Checked Dashboard
6. Made Phone Calls
7. Got stood up for an appointment
8. Posted Rock'n'Roll Friday!!!

8 things I wish I could do
1. Fly like Superman (Heck, even fly like the Greatest American Hero)
2. Really stick to my Ideal Schedule
3. Have a Select Preferred rating again
4. Close that HUGE account sale - which would solve a lot of problems
5. Visit with my friends (not enough time)
6. Remember birthdays before they happen
7. Bake the most delicious cake
8. Beat Sylvester Stallone in an Arm Wrestling match (Over the Top! Baby - Rent It - Watch It - LOVE It)

8 shows I watch
1. The Office (above all others)
2. LOST (when I remember)
3. Biggest Losers (We order KFC while watching it)
4. Southland (New show on Thursday night - check it out folks, it's really good. & -Monk (We always forget about this show until it comes on late Saturday afternoon)
5. Today Show
6. The Ultimate Fighter* (Honoree mention - we don't have Cable - but I'd totally watch it. There's an Alaskan on there right now)
7. True Blood - again an honoree; I've heard great things about it, but haven't actually seen it.
8. Law and Order: SVU

8 People I tag:
Umm . . . people I know who will enjoy this

* The Ginabean (sorry folks she's private - but it'd be great if she went public)
* Travels with Orgilly - He'd weep if I didn't mention him in one of these things.
* Brent - I forget the name of his blog - but he's the youngest sibling of the above mentioned (both) - I don't think he'd weep though...
* Mitchell Madness - haven't brought her blog up; but she always sends e-mails when her blog is updated which really helps me visit it.
* Me & My Boys - I think she enjoys this tagging kind of stuff . . . I know she likes scrapbooking. I think . . .
* Riding the Tailboard - he's one of the boys in the aforementioned people I tag.
* Kara - she brings reason and sanity back into the cyberspace.
* Steve - undoes Kara's work in above statement.

Thunderous Thursday

2009-04-16T03:00:00.003-08:00

Wednesday - Wherein Darsden Makes an Appearance

2009-04-15T03:00:00.002-08:00

It is Eskimo Bob Lives, and it is Wednesday. I'm glad to say that I have this post posted on time - so I hope you folks on the East Coast or in other Countries take advantage of this.

I don't think I've ever mentioned someone in the title of a post. However - something kind of strange happened yesterday. Something that seemed a bit like something I would do. As my family (Father, Mother, Sister and Brother) calls it "A Bob Thing".

Separate from my post of comments that I had made on others posts, yesterday I had left a comment after reading a rather good post by Pearl. In my comment - I made a flippant remark how I have to bribe and cajole folks into coming to EBL, yet once they arrive they just leave, not reading.

Well - Darsden read that comment - and not one to take things sitting down, she proceeded to go through my previous 143 posts and leaving comments on each one that she had read. Not limited to just my posts, she was parading the fact, that I thought she didn't read my posts with a mention in her own post yesterday, and also not limited to just that - but leaving comments on others posts verifying that she had indeed read my posts.

When I first read one of her comments - I took it as a ribbing and chuckled to myself. Then - the e-mails arrived. I have comments forwarded to my e-mail alerting me that a comment had been posted. Well - my e-mail is forwarded to my iPhone - and all day, over 25 chimes lit up my phone. I couldn't understand what was happening until I had gone back to my flippant remark.

I think there is a lesson to be learned. Sadly Darsden had to pay the price. After spending about 25 minutes perusing over my body of work - I do believe the County officers came to pick her up after she had gone crazy. Please limit your exposure to EBL to no more than 12 minutes a day - otherwise you place your mental health in jeopardy.

And Darsden? You rock.

Interpretive Dance

2009-04-14T12:33:00.002-08:00

The computer was really acting up last night. I didn't even use it all day - perhaps that's where the problem lay. Here we are, it's Tuesday - Armpit of the week. First full day with the squaw gone - this is where we are feral and do manly things. This is Eskimo Bob Lives. The blog with the Eskimostest.

So: today's not really a re-post, but today is not really original material either. I'm compiling the various comments I've left and put them together in no specific order. Enjoy....

SUCK IT UP. I mean you have one job to do; get the kid smart. You even get paid to get the kids smart. One job. Really.

I mean - you should really just be happy to have a job. No - I'm not talking about the economy; it's being a woman and having a job. Though teaching seems to be more maternal - I think if we just had dudes teaching classes then the kids would be that much more better at learning stuff.

Parents main responsibility is to just pump out as many kids as possible. We haven't heard the 'Populate the Earth' recanted yet. The responsibility to teach kids was abdicated once you accepted that first paycheck.

Make your job easier - puhleez. I think you dropped this (hands back a rag).

Why should my kid have to pay for your lack of getting your work done during the day with this 'homework'? And when will they actually do this reeding? I don't even know what you do with a reed.

By the way - loved the cookies at the Parent Teacher conference. I know I didn't show up on time - and just ate the cookies and left. But I think I got a good handle on what they do in skool. You're doing great.

I especially liked the part when he was having "the talk" with his 13 year old. It was totally awkward, because - as you know - Adams Jr. had been "loving" Cornelia, the sow, for about two weeks before "the talk".

It was handled beautifully, with some of the best writing a screenplay ever had. Excerpt:

John Adams: Son, your mother expressed some concern in regard to your education regarding carnal knowledge.

John Q. Adams: Father. I ******* Cornelia.

Driving in fog is probably the worst experience. Make it ice fog, and it's even worse. One of the deadliest car accidents we've had here was a 12 car accident due to heavy fog on the bridge.

The inversion in SLCounty is horrible. You and Steve should get those air masks and walk around like the Chinese.

What's ronery?

When I was courting Amber - or maybe we were already married - who knows it was over 10 years ago anyhow. We went to the Logan zoo. . . or rather the Logan animal holding place.

There was an enclosure - and the placard said that the animal inside was a 'Paccoon'.

"What the heck is a paccoon? I asked.

"I have no idea. Where's it from?" Amber retorted.

"It says North America - I've never heard of a paccoon. What does it eat?" I wondered.

"It's an omnivore - it eats bugs and vegetation and small rodents." Amber read.

"Huh. HERE PACCOON! COME OUT PACCOON! PACCOON PACCOON PACCOON!!" I bellered.

Amber starts laughing hysterically -

I look to see what she's laughing at.

"What the heck is a Raccoon doing in the Paccoon ..."

You will be dragged back to Rexburg - after all your husband will be from there, and you'll end up becoming a Rexburgian who has to drive to Idaho Falls, and you'll enjoy watching grasshoppers, and light reflecting of cd's hanging from the rearview mirror.

Being of superior intellect, I needed to just read the first characters of your bloviation to surmise the intention of your post.

Seeing that you decided to capitalize every letter in the word 'rocks', while having every letter of the preceding word 'read' in all lower case, leads to the solution that you truly feel that reading science fiction based "literature" is anti-authoritarian and supporting the cause of African-American freedom.

What is unclear, although circumstantially relevant, is that you may in fact disdain the actual practice of reading. As reading is a multidimensional cognitive process of decoding symbols for the purpose of deriving meaning and/or constructing meaning. Several points in your declaration you mention you prefer having outside sources, events, and outcomes be the reason of your reading.

Conversely, since you did capitalize all the letters in 'rocks', you may be referring to the meaning that the act of reading brings you pleasure equitable to the event known as the Rapture. Hence the ambiguity.

In conclusion: it is quite clear that the evidence shows you enjoy the escapism of Science Fiction, and have had deep, repressed feelings of guilt and shame as you brought ridicule upon those who have found the same joy in the genre of science fiction. It is quite elementary my dear Gina; not only shall you continue to enjoy the genre of science fiction, but must make amends with those you've ridiculed, and even accept that date with Kip. Even if he wears 'BattleStar Galactica' t-shirts a size too small and has french fry remnants in his beard.

I didn't realize that you enjoyed that so much - it was fun for me too. . . heh heh heh. (sigh) {ext: london fog filled banks of the Thames river} I do believe that you are making me blush - that's not an easy feat.

Oh, stop it!

{exuberant laughter}

Let's go splash our toes in the water.

(sigh)

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